Abracada--what?!

Everybody enjoys a good magic show. Especially when something magical happens that nobody but the magician can explain. In this episode, you might just experience a magic show quite unlike the others...


Characters


Harvey - the Magician
Imma - the assistant
Ashley - member of the audience and other
Paolo - member of the audience
The Journalist - a journalist




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Taken from the voice records, journals and extracted memories of the anonymous person, who is most probably the journalist.

In the back room of a prestigious night club...

"Thank you for your generous donation, my friend."

Two people are sitting across each other with a desk between them...

The one being spoken to is wearing a huge black cloak, covering everything but it's mouth...

The one speaking is wearing some sort of purple cape thing...

They stood up... now they're shaking hands... and now the cloaked one is leaving the room.

The one wearing a cape is looking down at the desk at the black leather Gucci (it might be a little confusing, it's pronounced GOO-chee but spelled like guh-KEY) bag.

The one wearing a cloak is walking toward the door! I have to move and hide.

It's pretty obvious that I am spying on them.

I have no choice, I saw the one in the cloak enter the club, he or she just showed something to the guard outside and he immediately let her or him in!

This must mean that this person is very important. Naturally, an aspiring journalist such as myself would try her best to find out what's going on. So--naturally--I followed him inside, pretending to be Sheikh Hasina Wazed. That stupid guard didn't even notice...

And now here I am, all I know is that this cloaker gave this capeman something... could it be a gun? Could they be planning to assassinate someone?

But there was a more important thing... what should I do? Should I stay here and see what capeman does? Or should I follow cloaker out?... hang on... I've got a coin... let's say.... heads I stay, tails I follow cloaker...



Whoops! The coin fell! Uh-oh! Capeman has noticed! I better get outta here!

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Hi, it's me again... it must've been fate that made me drop that coin because now, I'm back into the main club and guess what! Capeman is a magician! That's why he was wearing a cape... I didn't want to look like a fish out of water so I took a seat in the front row...

Now the Magician is whispering something to his sort-of assistant... she's smiling and now going backstage...

Oh. The show's about to begin...

"Ladies and gentlemen!" announced the Magician. "It is my great pleasure to present... myself!"
A light sound of laughter and a smattering of applause.
"Haha... now seriously... I will not say my name... I will be referred to as 'The Magician'. My first trick involves..."
The Magician performed several tricks... each more dangerous than the previous one until finally...
"Now, I think it's time for a volunteer trick. Who would like to volunteer?"
A couple of people yelled, "Me! Pick me!". The Magician scanned the crowd with his eyes.

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Holy crap. He's looking right at me. Everybody is... I think it means I'm the volunteer... but..

The Magician's assistant took my hand and pulled me off of my chair (jokingly). This is odd... this is the only time she showed up in the whole show...

She helped me into a box, but while she was busying herself with the opening of the box, she whispered, ever so quietly, into my ear...
"When I hand the magician the sword, press the red button near your wrist... it takes you down under the stage. Then when you hear the signal, press the green button near your wrist and it'll take you back up... just relax and keep it to yourself..."
So it's just a fake... hmph... you can't get geniune magicians these days...
As I lay down on the purple box, I searched for the colored buttons. There they were. The red and the green. I readied my finger on the red button...
I heard:
"And now... my lovely assistant will hand me this genuine, steel sword... and I will run this right through the body of our volunteer."
The crowd gasped and "wuhooo"-ed. Then there was a mumble... a confused "huh?" from the crowd... and I pressed the red button. I could definitely feel myself going down... I relaxed and waited for the gasps and the "ooohs"...

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Taken from the eye-witness report of one of the audience members, Dr. Paolo Urquico, Ph.D.

I was watching on the third row, fifth seat from the left, when it happened.
The Magician was going to chuck the sword through the box when...
When the assistant interrupted. She said she wanted to be the one to do it, to prove that it was not fake.
So the assistant did it. She put, five, six or seven swords in. Then the magician swung the box around... then unlocked it and brought horror upon the entire room.
The mangled body of the volunteer was terribly distorted... blood was pouring out everywhere... everybody was screaming... the crowd was going wild, rushing out of the club... I just stood there, watching... petrified.
The authorities arrived and had an investigation.
Apparantly, the volunteer snuck in under a false name.
"A false name??? What, did she say she was Sheikh Hasina Wazed, the Prime Minister of Bangladesh? Pffff, get real!" scoffed the detective.
When the guard replied yes, they suspended him, took away his license and they turned to interrogate the magician and his assistant.
Then they made me go out and I never heard anything again...

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I do not know where the following was taken from

The first strike was the most painful of all. It was unexpected and it stung, but amazingly, it didn't kill her.

Then the second one came. It was just as painful... now she could feel her hot, wet and sticky blood gushing out of her punctured arm.

The third, fourth and fifth ones weren't so much painful, because she was in so much pain already that more pain was just like nothing.

But what was weird was that she wasn't dead. She was in excruciating pain... but she wasn't dead. Oh, and one more thing, she was paralyzed. But she could still see.

She saw when the box was opened.
She saw the people's expressions when they thought she was dead.
She saw the one man in the crowd staying behind while the others rushed out.
She saw the police rush in.
She saw the wink.

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"That was pretty clever of you." complimented the cloaker. "I would never have expected it from you."
"Thank you."
The cloaker and the assistant were in a room, sipping coffee.
"It was pretty lucky that you found her sneaking around, though." the cloaker pointed at the magician. "Even I didn't know she was listening in on our... top-secrets... yes... telling her the wrong button was certainly one of the most brilliant ideas I've heard since last Tuesday..."
"Gratitude."
"... and I see Dr.Paolo was able to slip you the necessary morphine..."
"Yes, and it was I who transformed them into a powdery substance." declared the magician, hoping to impress the cloaker just as the assistant did.
"Indeed... and no doubt you rubbed it on the swords so that she wouldn't feel pain?"
"Er..." the Magician glanced nervously at his assistant. "That was the original plan but... somehow it was changed into merely keeping her alive but in super duper painful pain..."
"Oh well, you're bound to screw up one thing, no? Well then... if you would do the honors..." the cloaker looked at the assistant and nodded.
The Magician had a sour look on his face, as though he was jealous of all the praise the assistant was getting.

The assistant walked over to the paralyzed, bleeding body of the journalist. She saw pleading eyes begging for mercy. Unable to recognize mercy, the assistant shut the box, covered it with a blanket-ish thing and said, full of her lusty inner-childishnessicity, the magic words:

"Abracada-my size 32C-bra."

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And the sneaking journalist disappeared from the face of the Earth forever. Never to be seen or heard from, unless it is of parents retelling the story to their children...
Because the moral of the story is...

Don't listen to other people's business unless it concerns somebody killing somebody else. And in the random case that this does happen to you, I suggest you hide in a hole somewhere in the middle of a deserted desert or else just die, really, it's nobody's loss anway...

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I just realized that these past few episodes have not been in the least bit Weird... humph... I'll try to do weirder next time... I'm just into the whole... murder mystery thing, y'know?


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Three Hours Later

"Good thing your assistant disposed of that sneak quickly."
Dr.Paolo and the Magician, who by the way works part-time as a Professor of Education, were sitting in a coffee house. The former sipping a delectable Iced soy caramel machiatto with extra caramel drizzle while the latter drank just plain black coffee (yeurrgh).
"Yes... she always gets it right, doesn't she..." he grumbled. "Anyways, imagine how angry Ash would be if she DID find out."
"Yeah... she would've been really pissed" *emphasis on the pissed.
"Yeah... if only that stupid journalist took the time to go in the room and look what was inside that Gucci bag..."


Disclaimer : I do not own Gucci, in fact, I don't even have on of their bags, but I think either my mom or my sister does... anyway. There aren't much famous stuff in this blog so... oh yeah, I don't own starbucks... and I'm glad because with the recession and all, and laying off of 1,000 jobs, can you believe that? 1,000 people losing the chance to serve coffee... tsk tsk tsk

COMMENT!

THIS IS NOT AN EPISODE

This is to promote the blog of one of my Weird Bunch, Paolo U.

His blog is sort-of a spin-off of the MAWB but it only consists (so far) of HAPI, or Harvey-Ashley-Paolo-Imma.

This has no relation whatsoever to the MAWB.

MAWB is copyrighted so if anything is similar, I will sue my own best friend.

Haha, kidding!

Anyway just read it.

You can find it at the following address:

www.urquicopaolo.blogspot.com

Note: Not for those prone to nosebleeding. Unlike the brilliant, great, amazing, awesome and humble me.

P.S. PLEASE COMMENT! Sheesh, it's like nobody READS this thing anymore... or maybe they don't... well at least I know one person who does... and he's right there behind you.

Addicted to Cheesecake

Note from the Author : Please comment! I'm like, so bored I keep going to my page just to see that there are no comments...

Another Note: This is still one of those... creepy murdering stories.

And another note: That stupid many spacing thingy appeared again! Just bear with it..

* - New Character

^ - Extra

Cast:

Dr. Paolo Urquico, Ph.D - Murdering Surgeon

Dr. Harvey Kim, Ph.D - Addicted Professor

Imma - Psycho ProStriHooker turned Psycho Nurse Receptionist thing

Annika*^ - Smoking Ambulance Driver

Ashley - Escaped Convict Mastermind Bartender turned Random Weird Unemployed Passerby

The Construction Worker (a.k.a Worker) - a Construction Worker
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Addicted to Cheesecake

(just in case you didn't see, the stupid image thing here makes it so small...)

The Construction Worker was on his break, chatting with the other guys. They were taking a break from building a new 5 storey salon located beside La Pieta Memorial Park. They were just discussing about the building that used to be here before they demolished it. Apparantly it was called "Oh no you di-en't!" bar. Too bad, they could've used a drink right now... it was really hooooot...

It was so hot, in fact, that the Worker's vision was actually waving. Like, the hot rays of the sun were so hot that it made everything all wiggly-like. Everything was so wiggly that he didn't see the bulldozer..

A few minutes later, the ambulance had arrived and the paramedic was trying to strap the Worker onto that stretcher-like-bed-like thingy but the Worker's stomach was insanely large.

"I'm gonna have to add my belt to the strap!" said an exasperated paramedic (not Annika, she's just the driver).

After 12 painful and sweaty minutes, they finally got the Worker into the ambulance. The driver stopped at a red stoplight and sighed.

"Ohhhh, gosh... I need a smoke..." she said and took out a pack of cigrettes (she prefers Marlboro) and rolled down the window and called out to her car-neighbor "Hey! Gotta light?"

"Oh d-d-dear!" stuttered Piglet. "S-s-smoking is b-bad for your h-h-h-health!"

"Oh shrivel up and die, stupid pig!" said the ambulance driver and rolled down the other window to his other car-neighbor. "Gotta light?"

"Sure," said the American Dragon, Jake Long. He did some sort of 'blabla of the dragon' thingy and snorted flames on the cigarette.

"Thanks, pal." the driver said and rolled up the windows again. This was a pretty stupid idea, obviously because she was smoking. The smoke just accumulated in the front seats and soon enough, the driver couldn't see a thing. So she went on a blind rampage. She hit a trash can, broke a traffic cone, went underground and chased the subway, went up again and hit an old lady, jumping over the bridge over a river and landing on a cruise ship(on a river...?), crashed into a dinner party in the Multi-function Hall, popped out and landed on the other side, broke a see-saw, a slide and a jungle-gym, broke into the zoo, released a group of monkeys, three snakes and killed about 3 dozen fishes, broke out of the zoo, ran over an old lady and finally reached the hospital's ER.

"Okay, we're here!" she called to the back people. But apparently, they must've jumped out during Annika's rampaging. So now she was left with the responsibility of taking the Worker inside. She hopped off the driver's seat, walked around the vehicle and dragged the stretcher-like bed-like thingy towards the ER entrance.

"Annika! How many times do I have to tell you???" said the Nurse-slash-Receptionist-slash-ex-ProStriHooker, Imma. "NO SMOKING IN THE LOBBY!"

"Yeah whatever... I've got a patient.... needs... like... something... 'S' something..."

"Surgery?"

"Yeah, that's the one!"

"Where are the medics?"

"I dunno... jumped off somewhere on 5th street, I guess..."

"Okay, I'll have to ask the Doctor if he isn't busy..." Imma twirled around in her chair and dialed 687337 even though the doctor was just in the other room. "Hello, Dr.Paolo, Ph.D? Yes... are you busy? We need a surgeon."

"Well... I was playing with my knives and scissors... but I guess I could do one surgery. Who is it?"

"Uhmm... some construction worker working on--" the NurResepExProStriHooker gasped. "The new 5 storey salon!"

"OH NO YOU DI-EN'T!"

"Oh yes a di-id! He's the reason I had to get this stinkin' job in the first place!"

"May I interrupt?" suddenly came a Random Weird person who looked like she could be an ex-bartender. "If you really want to get back at him," she pointed to the unconscious, bleeding Worker, "allow me to speak to Dr.Paolo, Ph.D."

"Go right in, your Highness/your Greatness/ your Majesty (whatever floats your boat)!" praised Imma.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Paolo Urquico, Ph.D in Medical thingymajigger." greeted the Random Weird person.

Dr. Paolo laughed.

"Well if it isn't my old friend... and mastermind. What have you got planned for this one?"

"I think it is time that our other dear friend, Dr. Harvey Kim Ph.D in Education, gets a chance of his own..."

"Brilliant. How so?"

"I have his number. Tell him you are ordering... the Cheesecake... and give him my regards..." dramatically said the Random Weird person and handed him a calling card.

"Ooooh! Goody! It has a coupon..."

[Note: If you would like to see the original, contact me via Y!M or FS.]

So Dr. Paolo dialed the number on the card.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Kim, Ph.D's office, Menchie speaking." answered Dr. Kim's receptionist.

"Good aft, may I please speak to Dr.Kim, Ph.D?"

"May I ask who's calling?"

"His old friend, Dr.Paolo Urquico, Ph.D in Medical thingymajigger."

"Please hold on, he'll be with you in a minute." Paolo heard her put down the phone. "Dr. Kim! Dr.Paolo Urquico, Ph.D is on the line!"

"Thank you, Menchie... hello?"

"Dr.Kim. Greetings from our Dear Leader--mastermind! Not the dictator..."

"Ah, Dr.Paolo..." coughed Dr.Kim. "What can I do for you?"

"Apparently, she thinks it's your time to shine."

"Hold on a sec--" Paolo heard him sniff. "Excellent. I've been waiting for my time... especially since I switched to Rejoice... so.... who is the fortunate victim?"

"You'll be happy to know that it's a construction worker working on that 5 storey salon that destroyed 'Oh no you di-en't!'."

"I will have the utmost pleasure..." said Dr.Kim, voice cold with fury. "Did the mastermind say what she needed?"

"The Cheesecake..."

"Perfect. M-m-m-mu-mu-ah-ah-ah-ha!"

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At Dr.Kim's office, Dr.Kim was searching the very back of his cabinets for a special box. He found it, it was labelled 'Deadliest'. He took out a brown paper bag from the box, sniffed it (literally, not drugaddictively) and smiled. He then went out and told his receptionist, Menchie that he'd be going out to Mommy's Little Bakery.

But he didn't go inside the bakery. He went to the alley behind it and knocked four times. One of his drugmates went out.

"Yeah?"

"I need to bake this Cheesecake."

"Do you have something for me?"

Dr. Kim took out a smaller paper bag and handed it to the man. He sniffed it and nodded.

"I'll have it done in 45 minutes."

Dr. Kim checked his watch. It was ten past three in the afternoon (3:10PM for you dumbasses).

"Fine. As long as it's done by four."

"Yes, sir."

49 minutes later, Dr. Kim finally received his Cheesecake.

"What the hell took so long?"

"Sorry, maaaaan... I got sooooo... like... high..."

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"Delivery for Mr.... construction worker?"

"I'll take it..." said Imma, back at the hospital.

She walked (clak, clak, clak) to the patient's room.

"Look, sir! Someone sent you a cake!" she said to the unconscious Worker. "And he'll be coming any minute to spoon-feed it to you..."

"No neeed for minutes... I'm here." Dr. Kim stood at the door, his eyes hungry.

He opened the box... Imma covered her nose and ran (clakclakclakclak) out the door. Dr.Kim was unperturbed by the smell because he was used to smelling stuff already. The smell was so intense, it even woke up the Worker.

The Workers eyes watered at the smell and tried to breath through his mouth but Dr.Kim immediately covered it with his hand. Thrashing around and struggling, the Worker tried to scream but no sound came out.

"Don't bother..." whispered Dr.Kim. "No one can hear you... and even if they did, they wouldn't care..."

Dr. Kim took out a syringe and filled it up with cheesecake. The Worker struggled. Dr.Kim injected the cheesecake into the bloodflow of the Worker. Within seconds, he ceased his struggling, eyes rolling backwards, jerked uncontrollably for a while then stopped moving completely. The life support thingy beside the bed was just one long beep.

But then he jerked alive again.

"More! More! More!" he screamed.

Dr.Kim injected more.

The Worker stopped moving once more...

Dr. Kim smiled. "Finally... I can--"

"MORE! MORE! NNNNGGGG!"

"How RUDE!" Dr. Kim shoved a handful of cake down the Worker's pharynx. Unfortunately, the epiglottis wasn't working haha so the cheesecake also went down the trachea, or as Americal Idol auditioners pronounce it, the TRAY-shee-UH. The Worker choked, gagged, splurted, shuddered and finally laid to rest...

Dr. Kim smiled. He took out a fork from his coat and took a slice of cheesecake.

"Finally... it's my turn!"

Dr. Paolo, Ph.D came in, looked at the dead body and shook Dr.Kim's hand.

"So what was this 'cheesecake', a new kind of drug?"

"Actually, it's a literal cheesecake."

"What? So how did he die?"

"It's addictive. He wanted so much cheesecake so I shoved it down his throat. Unfortunately the epiglottis failed and he choked to death on cheesecake. So basically, I was doing him a favor. I fed him cheesecake."

"Veeery clever, Dr.Kim! I am surprised though that you didn't use REAL drugs... I never would've expected it from you..."

"Hmmm... yeah..." Dr. Kim nodded. "Here, you can have the cheesecake. Split it with your receptionist with the Stilettos... I have to get back to my students."

"Thanks!" said Paolo and followed Dr.Kim out to his lobby.

As he waved goodbye, he said to Imma. "Look! Cheesecake!"

"Yum!"

So they shoved cheesecake into their mouths... unbeknownst ;) to them, Dr. Kim was watching.

"Thaaat's riiiight.... eat the cheesecake..."

THE END

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Disclaimer: I do not own Piglet, or The American Dragon, Jake Long, Rejoice shampoo, or American Idol.

I do own:

The Misadventures of the Weird Bunch

Addicted to Cheesecake

© Ashley Magz Industries 2009

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Haha, this was the first episode with more than one picture. Oh, and Harvey won't do anything to Paolo and Imma, don't worry... so... who's next on the list?

Paolo

Harvey

Imma

Ashley

I'll try to draw the real comics soon.

Murder at MacArthur Highway

To the reader: the CBSS is over but I still don't have an idea for a main plot so I am going to do this sort of... extra thing while I think of something.

Oh yeah, and starting now there will be actual Titles, not just numbers.

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PG15

(haha, it's weird coz I'M not even 15)
(but really, its gory and bloody and not for kids)

This story welcomes one of our original Weird Bunch, Imma.
She is portrayed as a psycho prostitute/stripper/hooker.

The characters are as follows:
Paolo - Murdering Surgeon
Harvey - Addicted Professor
Imma - Psycho ProStriHook
Ashley - Escaped Convict Mastermind Bartender
The Tutor - a tutor
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© Ashley Magz Industries 2009

Presents

At five minutes to midnight, the Tutor brushed away a tear. She was at La Pieta Memorial Park, mourning the loss of her best friend whom she loved.

She decided she must go home... she's been there since 7PM because she had to tutor students until 6:30PM, then all the traffic just GETTING there, and the amount of time it takes to walk to the gravestone... etc. etc.
At the entrance of the MemPark, she noticed a bar named 'Oh no you di-ent!'. Thinking she needed a drink, she entered tha bar.
T urns out this bar wasn't just a bar, it was also a strip club.
And this particular strip club was where Imma the ProStriHooker... stripped.

Upon entering this bar, the Tutor noticed multiple things:

One, the bartender looked surprisingly like that lady on the WANTED poster near the bathroom.
Two, she recognized that man on the corner, he was Dr.Urquico, the world-famous surgeon. Weirdly, he looked slightly crazy with his wide eyes and nonstop giggling. He seemed to be twirling something in his fingers under the table but the Tutor couldn't see it... He must be drunk... thought the tutor.
Three, she also noticed the man sitting beside her at the bar, he was Dr. Kim, Ph.D in Education. He was the professor of one of her tutorees(?), who said that he was usually sleeping during their class.
And lastly, she noticed the stripper up on the pole stripping and realized she was the student who got kicked out of school for stripping in the cafeteria.

The tutor shrugged off her uncomfortable feelings and turned to the bartender.
"I would like a drink, please."
The bartender just stared at her, popping her gum.
"Uhm... did you not hear me? I said I wanted a DRINK."
Pop. Chew. Pop. Chew.
"Regarding your popping gum! I mean... just give me any drink!"
The bartender prepared her a Long Island Iced Tea and turned away, still popping her gum.
What a weird bartender... thought the tutor. And is that... a MOUSTACHE? Groooss... I better finish up my drink and get out of here...
Yes, the creepy bartender had a moustache. And yes, she also wore glasses so thick that it was impossible for anyone to see through them. But that was because, of course, she was an escaped convict. She escaped from prison merely 4 weeks ago, sentenced to life in prison for breaking and entering into a retirement home.

The tutor sipped her drink and watched as the stripper stripped tirelessly. Dr.Kim, Ph.D beside her was sniffing quite a lot... he must've catch-ED--I mean... caught...a cold... she thought. And Dr.Urquico... weirldy... seemed to be glancing at her every now and then... and the bartender, too! She was starting to feel really uneasy...
There they look again!
They're both planning something!
They're were going to KILL her!
Or worse!
She must get out now...!
But her drink was only half-finished!
She couldn't leave just yet, they might realize that she knows and kill her right then and there!
Her heart was beating fast...
Palms getting sweaty...
Feeling slightly dizzy.... (and no, she's not in love)
"Yo."
Her heart jumped to her throat.
"Yo!"
It was the bartender, she was calling her.
"You di-ent pay for that drink, y'know?"
The tutor sighed. So she wasn't being killed.
She paid for her drink and turned back to watch the stripper.

After a few more sips of her drink, she noticed that they were looking at her again.
She reminded herself that she was just imagining it. But there was something in their looks...
The bartender took a step closer.
Her heart speeded up.
Another step.
2X Speed.
Now the bartender leaned her head towards her.
Oh no, oh no, oh no. She's going to do it!
"Deeeeeewd! You got a major zit on your upper lip!"
"W-what?"
"Gross! You'd better pop it soon. I heard that the guys in the bar don't like zits. And they can kill..."
The tutor jumped and ran to the bathroom.

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Unbeknownst to the tutor, the bartender and the surgeon were having a talk.
"The regular routine?" asked the surgeon.
"Hmmm.. let's add a twist, shall we?" smiled the bartender.
"Of what kind?"
"Tell our dear friend to get the good stuff..."
"The GOOD STUFF? But that might be hard to get..."
"Do not fret. We have lots of time..."
The bartender smiled evilly and walked away.
The surgeon, on the way back to his table, dropped his wallet.
He picked it up and went back to his table.
The bartender called to the stripper:
"We need you to do a 34-78-72-28 please, special request from our guest..."
"Purrrfect..." purred the stripper and started off on her dance routine.(And no, she is not half-cat or whatever...)
At the same time, the professor fell off his stool. Looking slighty demented, he stood up and sat back down.

In this mysterious series of events, you must have realized the plot by now. If not, allow me to say: "Pfff... looozuh" and continue reading.

0:01-0:06
"What the hell was that girl saying?? I have NO zits!" grumbled the tutor.
She opened the door to the hallway leading to the main bar when she was blocked by the stripper.
"How's it goin', daah-ling?" she asked all flirty-like.
0:07-0:17
"Uhm... fine, just fine." the tutor replied. She was determined not to develop a friendly relationship with the stripper because she knew she could never love anyone but her dead friend.
"Have you seen my..." she lifted her leg across so that she was blocking the way like a toll-gate or something... "Fishnet stockings?"
0:18-0:27
"Wow... they're lovely..."
"Yes, you should see my..." the stripped did a pose. "Lingerie."
The tutor looked away, why is this stripper flirting with me? Am I THAT irresistible? she so incorrectly thought.
The stripper stared at her for precisely 13 seconds.
0:41-0:50
The tutor stared back.
0:51-0:59
"Well, I'll see you on the other side," the stripper said and turned to walk away.
"What does that mean?"
"I mean I'll see you on the other side of this wall..." she replied, and under her breath she said ".... or not."

1:00

Stunned by this experience, the tutor walked back to her stool and looked around.
She'd been gone a couple of minutes and yet nothing has changed.
The bartender was still popping her gum, Dr.Kim, Ph.D, beside her was still sniffling, Dr.Urquico was still twirling and giggling and the stripper had resumed her position at the pole.
She turned to take a sip of her Long Island Iced Tea when she noticed something...
...She called for the bartender.
"Why did my drink get mucher?"
"What?"
"Why do I have more now than awhile ago?"
"Oh, I refilled it for you, dude. I know it's your first time so... it's on the house."
"Thank you!" beamed the tutor. Maybe these people weren't so bad after all.

Or Maybe They Were.

The moment her drink touched her tongue, she felt extremely sleepy. The last thing she could remember was her vision swirling and swirling... falling on the floor... the man beside her turning slowly.... the surgeon walking towards her.... the music stopping... and a tight grip on her upper arm.
Then she fell asleep.

She awoke minutes later, in a dark room. She could feel that she was tied up around the ankles. And she could feel herself swinging. She was tied to the ceiling by her ankles. Blood rushing to her head, she could make out 4 figures.
"I cannot believe you were so stupid." said one voice.
"You HONESTLY di-ent see this coming?" drawled Harvey. "You are such a loser, wumman! And I am soooo... wasted...."
"I don't think she did, Harvey. Let's explain to her."
By now the tutor knew who they were, obviously the two people she thought were trying to kill her in the first place, the bartender and Dr.Urquico, and the other two were her seatmate and the stripper.

"Let me begin with the moment you stepped into our bar..." said Ashley.
"You came in, at exactly 12 midnight. You sat directly in front of me, signifying that you are indeed a beginner, and demanded what you called a 'drink'. Assuming you caught on, you ordered any kind of 'drink' so I gave you a Long Island Iced Tea. The moment we saw you, we SO di-ent like you so we planned to kill you."

"Ashley was the brilliant mind in our master plan!" worshipped Imma. "She knows everything! She plans everything! She is the greatest! Wheeeeeee!"

"So I wanted to give you the impression that we were going to kill you. Paolo and I alternately gave you glances until you got nervous. Then I planned an alibi. Making you pay. Obviously, people pay their bills before they leave. You di-en't know that. You paid. It made you feel relaxed again, di-en't it? But then we started looking again... you got scared, again. You panicked when I came closer and felt relieved, once again, when I told you it was a zit."

"Hehehehehe! So you left for the bathroom! You idiot!" screeched the psycho prostrihooker. "You fell RIGHT into our trap laid by the great Ashley!"

"Indeed." continued Ashley. "Unbeknownst to you, we had a discreet meeting. I told Paolo to tell Harvey to get the good stuff-- the good Drugs, I mean. He knows all the best dealers. Paolo faked dropping his wallet, but secretly left a piece of paper with the name of the drug on the floor. Then I sent a message to Imma saying we needed a 34-78-72-28 which OBVIOUSLY dialed "DI-ST-RA-CT" and at the same time, Harvey pretended to fall off his chair because he was so wasted but actually picking up that paper Paolo left. But the problem was that it was hard to get the stuff and takes a minute to prepare. But he was quick. We sent Imma--"

"That's me! Hear me? IT'S ME!"

"--to seduce you because I OBVIOUSLY know you've been visiting your best friend every night for the past 6 months and that you like girls. And it worked. You came back, fell for my trick about refilling your glass, took a sip because you felt you should and here we are."

"Yes..." breathed Paolo, speaking for the first time. "And now it's all up to me... I can't believe the great Ashley gives me the fun of finishing off our victims..."

The tutor saw Harvey bring out a tray of shiny silver things.
"Choose your favorite." he said.
Paolo smiled.
"Of course... the knife."
He picked up the knife and walked slowly to the tutor, whose blood was still filling her face.
"Let's do this..." he raised the knife. "Chicken Style!"

THE END

P.S. If you do not know what Chicken Style is, it is what we did when we dissected a chicken this morning. You restrain it from struggling, expose the throat aaaaand... slit! And we just watched the blood flow right out of the poor chicken's neck. Then we saw its innards and everything... lovely lesson!

CBSS: Harry Potter

Note to the Reader/s: Hey, its another CBSS, the Harry Potter CBSS.

NOTE v.2 : I don't know why, but there are loads of spaces between lines... just... deal with it.
NOTE v.3 : Ignore the mistaken title please, I forgot to add the others hahahahaha

Characters:

Harry - Paolo (coz of the glasses)

Ron - Harvey (coz he's... funny?)

Hermione - had to be me coz I'm the smartest Weird Bunch >:]

Ginny - Lyca (coz like... feisty and stuff?)

Luna - ANNIKA! (haha no need to explain the weirdness!)
Note: Please be informed that on Dec.28,2008 Annika and Harvey, supposedly going to SM Clark, rode the wrong transportation and ended up at--wait for it... SM Pamp! Hahahahaha also be informed that I waited for nearly 2 hours! Thank God he invented Cybr!

Neville - couldn't really think of anyone...

Moldy - Well... everybody knows who represents Moldy!

P.S. The relationship thingy at the epilogue of DH doesn't apply because 1, eew, Harvey and 2, hahahaha Paolo and Lyca? That'll be the day...

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Paolo Urquico and the following: the Missing Can, The Three Important Things To Do and Moldy's Cotton Candy Catastrophe

Tan-taaaan-tanan-taaaan-tan-taaaaan-taaaaaan!

Paolo Urquico was no ordinary boy, for one thing, he had eyeglasses. Oh, but not just any eyeglasses... his eyeglasses were special. Those eyeglasses could only be cleaned using a cloth.

But that wasn't the only extraordinary thing about Paolo Urquico. Paolo Urquico (can I stop typing Urquico now? It's so loooong) had the most awesome of awesome Friend...s, Ashley and Harvey! (mostly Ashley) And some other friends: Annika and Lyca. And on a lesser note, he was a wizard. So what? Oh, and he had a scar. Not an external one, an internal one. He is emotionally scarred, he doesn't like FC little kids who come up to him and ask questions.

On a seemingly normal Saturday morning at school (they don't have class on Thursdays to commemorate the day Ashley was born so now they have class on Sat mwahahaha and yes, I know I was born on a Thursday, I used a Perpetual Calendar), Paolo arrived just in time to have the daily assembly, carrying his usual gigantic CELINE PAPER BAG filled with ALL his books with no apparent reason. He immediately looked for his totally awesome friends, Ashley and Harvey.

He saw them at the regular place where they hang out, the cubby holes (not inside them, just near them!).

He walked up to them and immediately planted his hand on Ashley's shoulder in order to 'suck' his so-called "shoulder power". In other words, Ashley is used as a certain 'charger'.

After the reminders of Professor D, they proceeded to ascend their solid, unmoving stairs. In the process of ascension, the three group of friends always had to stay behind to get their Daily Philippine Star. Paolo actually doesn't, he just waits for Ashley's fresh supply of "shoulder power" while she and Harvey painfully, hard-workingly, devotedly, selflessly, putting themselves in a difficult position of levitating the papers up the stairs.

"What's your first subject today?" asked Paolo.

"English, why?" replied Harvey.

"Nothing, I was just distracting you while I took your lollipop."

"Rrrr..."

Ashley, suffering under Paolo's grip of sucking her "shoulder power", complained:

"How come you don't suck Harvey's 'shoulder power'?"

"Becauzzzzz, how can I suck 'shoulder power' from a slanted shoulder? It's impossible!"

"Hmm... good point."

Harvey did that squinty thing he always does.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When the non-existing school bell signaled the start of class, Paolo hurried up his packing of things because he knew the teacher was coming 5.13 minutes later. He stuffed his stuff hurriedly and sprinted to his desk, unfortunately being at the other side of the room. Why this took 5.13 minutes, I do not know. The moment his left buttock touched the ice-cold dark red/maroon-ish chair, his first subject teacher popped in.

In the other room, Ashley and Harvey were waiting for their teacher. Being seated near the door, Harvey, doodling at the back of his Values Education notebook, saw something moving near the section B's lockers. Knowing that all students must be inside after the imaginary bell rang, he turned around to where Ashley was teaching her seatmate Claude how to do the math homework.

"Did you see that?" Harvey asked as Claude nosebled.
"See what?" Ashley replied as Candice, Harvey's seatmate, handed Claude tissue.

"There was something or someone messing around near the section B's lockers."

"Hmm... near which locker specifically?"

"Paolo's."

They both squinted their knowledgeable eyes, their brains whirring, thinking of an answer this to mysterious case.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The imaginary bell rang again for Snack Time. The three, along with their other friends Annika and Lyca, headed to the Great Cafe.

"Paolo, we saw something or someone near your locker." said Ashley.

"Yeah, is there any vandalism?"

"No, I didn't notice anything. Let's just look later after snacks."

The snacks for that day were Porridge/Lugaw (I think, yuck, by the way) and Corned Beef sandwiches (oooooh, worst day ever...). Having no choice, the three plus two paid for their food and sat down.

It's kinda quiet today, thought Paolo. I wonder what's up...

Just then, the class president of the section B burst into the Great Cafe and marched toward Paolo.

"Paolo, we need funds for our photocopy of the summary of our classic reader, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows^©."

"Ok, how much do you need?"

"Around... P40."

"Hey, can you include our class, too? Here..." asked Ashley and handed him the money.

"Ok, let's just go upstairs and I'll get the class funds..."

Upstairs, with 10 minutes left of snack time:

"Oh no!" whined Paolo, taking stuff out of his locker and throwing them to the floor.

"Ouch!" yelled an innocent bystander who was crawling on the floor looking for crumbs.

"Sorry... ASHLEY! HARVEY! Come here!"

"What?"

"Did you take my can?"

"Excuse me?"

"My can! My can!! MY CAN!!!"

"WHAT can?!"

"The Class Funds Can!"

"Why would you think we have it?"

"Coz you two are the only ones who know my combination!"

"Hey!" Harvey's eyes widened. "It was the thief we saw this morning!"

Ashley rounded on Paolo.

"Did you lock your locker properly this morning?"

"Yeah! I think... but my lock was locked when I opened it!"

"Well, obviously the thief would lock your locker again so it would look like nothing happened!"

"Good point."

"Thank you."

"So how do we find out who the thief was?" asked Harvey.

"The more important thing is to tell the authorities," Ashley pointed out.

"No, the most important thing is to get the money back!" said Paolo.

With these 3 important things to do, the friends split up and followed their own objectives.

From here, you might think that Ashley has the easiest thing to do. She could just go down one floor and tell any teacher there. But this was no ordinary Saturday.

When Ashley arrived at the 3rd floor, there was an eerie atmosphere. She went to the teacher's faculty room and peeked inside. Nobody there. Ashley smacked herself on the forehead and told herself, "Of course, stupid, they're having snacks!" so she went downstairs.

Harvey's thing to do would be the hardest obviously because catching a thief isn't easy. But once again, this was no ordinary Saturday.

Harvey entered the freshmen room section A and looked at each and every student. Since he was the one who saw the thief first, he would know the physical descriptions of the person he needed to find out. But this was all unnecessary because--

"I'm the thief you're looking for." said a voice behind Harvey. He turned and saw to his intense belief, none other than the flat-faced Moldy.

Paolo's thing to do was, to me, the least important of all. Because, who cares about the money if there's a sneaking thief around the school? But this was important to Paolo to uphold his reputation of being... I dunno... trustworthy?

So after unsuccessfully looking at the forever-locked lost and found, he thought and thought and thought of a plan to get all the money back, which was a total of P36 (haha, so they couldn't have afforded the photocopies anyway) because they spent it all on CRANBERRY JUICE at their Christmas Party, and had an idea.

But then, a little CASA kid walked up to him (because he was walking around their area, the one near the lost and found) and asked, "What's you're name?".

At this moment, Paolo's "internal scar of hatred of FC children" burned like hell and momentarily blinded him. The pain was so intense, that he collapsed on the floor. Not until the kid lost interest and left him on the floor did he revive from that terrible episode.

Fortunately, Ashley, who went downstairs to look for the teachers saw him and rushed over and gave him "shoulder power".

"Hey! Did your internal scar hurt again?"

"Yeah... I saw a picture of moldy bread...but I'm fine now..." he said, standing up still gripping Ashley's shoulder.

"Which FC kid was it?"

"That one." Paolo pointed.

"Ugh," Ashley grimaced. "Disgusting."

"Lucky you were here."

"Yeah, I was looking for the teachers. There are no teachers at all!"

"That's weird... none at the faculty?"

"None!"

"Maybe... they're having a meeting in the library?"

"Maybe... are you coming with me?"

"Yeah... I guess so. I can' think of anything to get the money back right now..." he said, forgetting the idea he previously had.

Harvey was not so fortunate. After bumping in to Moldy, he was having a verbal fight with... it.

"Why did you steal the section B's money, flat face?" he spat.

"So that Paolo would lose its credibility, permanent-pimple-boy!" it hissed.

"What do you have against Paolo, you white-faced thing that gets on bread that's stayed out too long?"

At these words, Moldy began his speech:

"There was a prophecy made by the prophetess--"

"Duh."

"Shatap! Anyway, the prophetess predicted that there would be one who would defeat me in all subjects! He must be defeated!"

"How are you so sure that it's Paolo?"

"Because the prophecy indicated that the one who would beat me would be tall, black-haired, spoke English, wrote a blog, plays Oblivion, is a Class Officer and travels in a group of three plus two!"

Harvey stared, his brain thinking.

"I'm tall. And I 'travel' in a group of three plus two!"

"Yes but you do NOT write a blog and play Oblivion nor are you a class officer!"

"You know, there could be someone else being talked about... or should I say, there is another Subject."

"Oh, please, stop acting smart. Who is the other subject?!"

"Sheesh, and you're not that smart..." Harvey walked away and turned around. "Oh, and by the way, you shouldn't have said it was you who stole the can, lamebrain."

"Why not?"

"Because now I can turn you in, mutha fu--."

Aaaaaaanyways, back to the nicer people...

Paolo and Ashley were at the library, concerned. Even the librarian was gone. They also passed the Grade School Faculty and there were no teachers there... even the bookstore lady or the cashier or and guards!

"This is really freaking me out..." said Ashley.

"Yeah... where could adults go at a time like this?" Paolo wondered.

Just then, the imaginary school bell rang and teachers and staff suddenly popped in as though they 'teleported'. Apparently they all had their coffee breaks.

"What the-- what are you doing in the library, Ms. Magz?" asked Professor A, the coffee break-king.

"Uhm.. we were looking for a teacher, sir,"

"We? Who's we?"

Ashley looked at Paolo.

"We! Me and Paolo!"

"But Paolo's not here!"

"What the..." Paolo stared at Professor A. "Are you kidding me?"

He waved a hand in front of his face. Nothing.

He made a funny face. Nothing.

He slapped him hard across the face. Nothing. He didn't even flinch.

"What's going on?" Ashley said.

"Bwahahahaha!" Moldy came out of nowhere. "Nobody can see Paolo because I put a spell to make everyone except the group of three plus two forget that he ever existed!"

"Why?"

"So I can finish him and nobody would know it!"

"I would know, so would Harvey and Annika and Lyca!"

Moldy laughed. "Who would believe four teenage kids against a whole school?"

"Good point."

"Thank you. Now, it's time to meet your maker, Paolo Urquico!" it raised its Leone^© ballpen up in the air and began to make it go all swirly swirly.

"Waaaaaaait!"

Harvey, Annika and Lyca ran towards them.

"What now? And about time you two girls showed up..."

"You can't kill Paolo!"

"Why not?"

"Because I told you," Harvey said. "He's not the one you're looking for!"

"Who is, then?"

"It's Ashley!" yelled Lyca.

"Ashley's the one with the brains to beat you!" celebrated Harvey.

"Oh, thanks a lot, Harvey, now she's gonna kill ME."

"No problemo, hiyaaaa!" Moldy swooshed its Leone^© ballpen and in a second Ashley burst into balls of cotton candy.

"Mwahahahaha! Now no one will ever beat me!" Moldy raised its hands in triumph.

"Yeah, but now all the teachers have seen what you've done and now, you're off to juvenile prison. Bye bye!"

"Uh-oh, nooooooooooooooooo!" Moldy yelled as the teachers stunned him and called the police.

"Don't worry," said Annika. "I'm sure there are really nice people there. Make sure you ride the right transportation! You don't wanna end up at the wrong prison, do you?"

"Good luck!" waved Lyca. "But there's still the problem about fluffy here..." she pointed to the balls of cotton candy. "How do we bury her? Like... in a plastic with a stick or..."

"Hahaha, you don't think I'm dead, do you?"

Note: Well, duh, how could I let MYSELF die? That's just stupid. Actually...

Ashley performed a complex thingymajigger where she replicated herself and hid so when Moldy planned on killing her, the replicate would just burst into balls of delicious cotton candy.

"Enjoy!"

So the group of three plus two, and some other teachers who witnessed the event, ate cotton candy balls and chatted merrily and they lived happily ever after. Until the imaginary bell rang and they had to go have their Spanish class, conjugating the verbs and stuff...

THE END.

PS - The idea that Paolo had was never shown, but it was actually a fund-raising concert where he performed the noseflute.

PS2 - The Can was found under the lockers of the section B.

PS3 - Is a gaming console.

Wow, this story was kinda long, wasn't it? I really don't have anything to do kasi eh. I'm done with Resistance 2... so I'll just write.

By the way, starting today, this blog will be private.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or the characters, or the logo, or the Harry Potter theme (the tan-tanan-taaan... at the beginning) or anything Harry Potter related. They all belong to JKR.

CBSS: F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Note to the reader: This episode is a spoof of the Episode 3.18 "The One with the Hypnosis Tape" because it was when Chandler tries to stop smoking hahahahaha
Another note: I've got the picture!
NOTE: HAHAHAHA IGNORE THE PIC! IM KINDA DYSLEXIC SO I DIDNT NOTICE THAT ITS WEIRD BNUCH HAHAHAHAH!!!






List of Characters and their representatives:
(Alphabetical Order)

> Chandler Bing - Harvey Kim (of course, who else? )

> Joey Tribbiani - yeah, I couldn't find anyone for him and since he doesnt do much in this ep, he'll be represented by himself...

> Monica Geller - Lyca D' Lam (coz of that whiny voice hahaha)

> Phoebe Buffay - Annika (because of the weird hippie-ness? haha kidding! u hate peace doncha?)

> Rachel Green - (i dunno, i just told the starbucks guy to write Rachel on my frap so i guess now I'm Rachel?)

> Ross Geller - Paolo U. (coz tall-ish... looking like a smart dude-ishnessicity? he was Ross in starbucks, btw)

Central Perk will still be called Central Perk
A break from tradition, you know?

For those who actually watched this episode, you might get bored.

Let it begin...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harvey walked in to the coffee shop, sat down and took out his "stuff" and started to "do" it.
At once, his awesome, brilliant friends who HE SHOULD BE THANKFUL FOR HAVING shouted and yelled.
"Hey hey hey hey hey!"
"Quit smoking!"
"What?!" Harvey asked. "I'm troubled!"
"Hey," said Ashley. "I have this friend who listened to this 'hypnosis tape' overnight, and the next day, she quit smoking!"
"Great..."
"I could borrow and it and you should listen to it!"
"Okeydokey."
Harvey "did" it again.
"Could you just stop?" Paolo glared.
"Fine..."
"Thank you."
"... I was...actually...going to the bathroom to smoke there..."
"Haaaayayayyyy..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day at Central Perk.
"Harvey, Harvey, Harvey!" Ashley came rushing in.
"'What?' says Harvey number one! 'What' says Harvey number two--" Harvey began to joke.
"Oh shut up! Here's the tape!"
She handed it out to him.
Harvey stared at it for a while.
"It doesn't look like gum," he commented.
"Arrrrgh, you and your jokes!" Annika groaned.

Suddenly, her younger brother (fictional, she has a younger sister and older brothers) came in and announced that he was getting married to a lady that is 20 years older than him and walked out of the cafe.

"Well, that was quick..." said Paolo.
"Yeah, I know! I mean, he's only 18 and he's getting MARRIED?!" Annika said in disbelief.
"No... I was talking about his announcement..."
"But c'mon, Annika, if he really loves her, then shouldn't you be happy?" asked Lyca.
"Yeah, I should! But she's like... I just don't want him to marry her!"
"Why is it coz of the age thing?" Paolo asked.
"I'm okay witht the 'age thing', until it starts to put its tongue down my brother's throat!" she freaked out.
* Actual line
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At work, Lyca was serving this chubby guy with spiky hair and a nice moustache named (I'm so sorry, dude, but it SO FITS! The guy in the real episode was chubby, rich and had a goatee!!! this is perfect!) Vince.
He put his tip in the tip box and started to walk out to door when Lyca called him back.
"Excuse me! What the hell is this?"
She held up a check for $20,000.
"I'm sorry," he smiled. "I just don't know how much to tip."
"You're supposed to double the tax, not double the tax of ROMANIA."
*Actual Line
"So can I ask you on a date?"
"What?"
"Will you. Go out. With me?"
"Yeah, sure what the hell..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that night, Harvey gets ready to sleep and remembers the tape that Ashley gave him to help him quit.
He puts it in and falls asleep.
"Smoking is bad for you health..." it began.
...
"You are a strong, independent woman... and you don't need to smoke..." it repeated over and over again because it stuck.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning at Central Perk.
"Hey Pao," Annika asked. "You think I'm right, right?"
"About what?" he asked.
"About... not wanting Gio to marry Debra?... Because she's old..."
"Well, if it's what you really think is right, then its right. But you can't stop true love, can you?"
"But... do YOU think they should get married?"
"Well... I think that they should wait. Because this thing could just be a fling, you know?"
"Yeah... Hey!"
"What?"
"Can you try to talk some sense into him?"
"Who, me? Why me?"
"Coz you're experienced in this type of thing!"
"Oh, that's nice."
"No, come on! I mean, you got divorced already..."
"Yeah, because my ex-wife turned out to be LESBIAN!"
"But it still counts!"
"So what? What's the connection between trying to fix your brother?"
"JUST DO IT, PAOLO, OR SO HELP ME I WILL MAKE SURE YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A CHANCE AT ANOTHER MARRIAGE EVERRRRR!"
"okay ok.."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So Paolo goes to Gio's apartment to try to make him change his mind.
"Hey, Gio... uhm.. let's talk."
"Ok, what's up?"
"Uhm... some of us think..." Paolo began. "That.. your marriage is uhm..."
"What?"
"A little... too... weird? You know? I mean, she's like, what, 20 years older than you? I mean, c'mon, you're 18! You're at the top of your game! You've got your whole life ahead of you! Whereas she's... gonna die yeeeeears before you mature!"
"Yeah, I know all that but... Paolo, have you ever been in love?"
"Yeah."
(*Okay this is too weird haha but I have to finish this part.)
"Well, what would you do if... your sister told you she doesnt think you should be together because the woman you love isn't the right age? Or the right look? Or the right personality? Wouldn't you fight like hell and ignore the people just to be with her?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So how did it go?" Annika asked Paolo.
"Oh.. you know..."
"No.. I don't... which is why I'm asking."
"Well.. I told him that... that we thought Debra was too old..."
"And?"
"And he said he loved her..."
"Aaaaand?"
"And I... I... I said if he loved her so much they should get married--PLEASE DONT KILL ME!"
"Why yoooooooooou!!!"
"Aaaaaaaaaah! Not the face! Not the face! Oooooo, not there either..."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Lyca's apartment, Ashley and Lyca were watching TV.
"Hey, Ash, I've got a date tonight, don't wait up."
"Oooh, a date? With whoooo?"
"Some guy named Vince. Kinda chubby, spiky hair, nice moustache."
"Wait a second, Vince? The MILLIONARE Vince?"
"Well, yeah, he tipped $20,000 so..."
"OMG Lyca's going out with a millionare!"
"Oh, shut up."
Harvey came in.
"Hey Ash can I borrow your makeup kit?"
"Yeah, why, do you have a scar that needs covering up?"
"No, I just realized that I look HORRIBLE in my office light so I thought I needed more blush and just a slightly darker lip color to accent my mascara..." Harvey said as he looked in the mirror.
"Haha, okaaaay, Harvey," Ashley and Lyca laughed.
"What do you really want?" Lyca asked.
"What are you talking about? I want Ashley's make up kit!"
"Just get to the point of the joke, Harv, I've got a date tonight, I don't wanna be late..."
"Oooooh, a date? With whoooo?"
"Vince the MILLIONARE!" squealed Ashley.
"OMG! I read in Vogue that he's the most fashionable AND richest guy of 2028!"
"Okay, Harv, jokes over," said Ashley as Lyca went to her room to pick out what she was going to wear that night. "Stop acting all--"
"Hey, Ash, what should I wear, the blue or the red?" Lyca asked, holding up both.
"I'd go with the--"
"Totally wear the red, it matches your hair and if you wear the right accessories, you could make it work wonderfully." Harvey observed. "I've got just the right earrings! Wait here..."
Ashley and Lyca looked at each other, alarmed.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annika decided to accept the fact that her brother was married this older woman, so she went to Gio's apartment.
"Gio... I guess I was a little unfair to Debra. If you really love her, then you can get married."
"Actually, we already did!" Debra said happily.
"And then we tried for a baby." said Gio.
"Oh."
"But we couldnt."
"Oh thank heavens..."
"So we went to the doctor..."
"Uh-oh."
"And they said we COULD have a baby..."
"Oh, crap."
"... we just need a surrogate mother."
"And I'm guessing..."
"Could it be you?"
"Hm... yeah okay!" Annika agreed suprisingly quickly. "I'd LOVE to be able to say, 'I gave birth to my brother's child.'Awesome!"
*This part didn't actually happen in this episode. I just skipped so that you'd see how weird Phoebe is haha
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Lyca's date, Vince took her to Rome and ordered pizza.
While those two were having fun, Harvey was preparing to sleep again. They have different time zones so dont get confused.
Ashley snuck in to Harvey's apartment to find out exactly what was making him so gay.
"You are a strong, independent woman..." the tape played.
"Ohhhh... hihihihihihihi.." Ashley laughed. "Hmmmm..."
She removed the tape and voiced over it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hey guys!" Harvey burst in Lyca's apartment where everybody was having breakfast. "Let's go to the beach!"
"Holy--"
"Is that--?"
"Are you--?"
Ashley laughed uncontrollaby.
Harvey was wearing a red bikini, carrying a beach ball and a surfing board.
"Hey, hot stuff," he winked at Vince. "You wanna rub some sun screen on me?"


THE END


This is for those who didnt watch that episode. You should because its soooooo funny.
Some parts were in the actual episode and some parts I just edited a little bit.

DISCLAIMER or whatever, I saw this on youtube
I do not own FRIENDS or any of the characters, all ideas and stuff belong to Warner Bros. Television, etc. etc.

Harvey if you're wondering where I got Giovanni and Debra, its the real name of Frank Jr and Alice, Giovanni Ribisi and Debra Jo Rupp.

Goodnight!

Christmas Break

To the less than four people who read this blog,

Please be informed that I will not continue with the announced Season about Lyca D' Lam...b. Instead I will be doing a Christmas Break Spoof Special. Soon to be shortcutted as CBSS.

Further information about the CBSS:

The CBSS will be about spoofs, of course, of TV Shows. Some may not really be about Christmas but I'll try to make most of it Christmas-y... yikes, I'm forgetting how to spell 'Christmas'. I keep spelling it Chrismast for some reason... anyho, the first CBSS will be entitled: "CBSS: F.R.I.E.N.D.S" with an image which I will put later when I'm done painting it hahahahaha

Merry Christmas!

Ep 2.5

"So what's your big idea?" asked Paolo.
Ashley, Paolo, Alex and Sandee were back in the Hub while Annika and Lyca kept looking for Harvey, hopefully they don't see another lemonade stand.
"The cure is exercise, right? Then lets give 'em something to run for!"
"Like what?"
"Well, obviously, we gather up things that gays looooove!"
"Like what?"
"Hmm..."
So they gathered up all things gay, stuffed animals, lipstick, powder, tight clothes, pictures of Brad Pitt, a DVD of Sex and the City, lacy dresses, etc. etc. and gathered them up into a huge pile which was later called, The Pile of All Things Gay. In other books, it is referred to as The Gay Magnet.
After assembling all these 'things'. They prepared the megaphone.
"Okay, so... who's gonna talk?" asked Paolo.
"Like, duh! Me!"
"Fine..."
"Attention 'children' of Lee!" she anounced.
Her face appeared on the giant screen in the middle of the city. All gay heads turned to face the screen.
"There is one, huge, gigantic pile of stuffed animals, autographed pictures of Brad Pitt, free DVDs of Sex and the City with special Behind-the-scenes features located at the intersection of Meiosis Street and Mitosis Avenue. Hurry or they'll all be gone by sundown!"
A few seconds pause while this bit of information passes through their waxy ears and into their brains.
The sound of distant rumbling told Ashley that they were coming.
"Tss.. this'll be over in a minute..." she tssed.
It was, indeed. In exactly 60 seconds, the gays arrived at the intersection of Meiosis St. and Mitosis Ave. panting, sweating and stinkin'.
"What the hell am I doing here?" asked a fireman.
"And check out all the gay crap," said a policeman.
[Haha, it seems that all examples of people are firemen and policemen haha]
"I'm glad that worked out well." said Paolo.
"Another excellent job well done by the Weird Bunch." said Lyca.
So in a classic ending, the Weird Bunch stood side-by-side watching the sun set on their adventure....
"WAIT!"
"What's up, dude?" asked Lyca.
"HARVEY!"
"Oh yeah! Where is that guy?"
[I actually really DID forget about Harvey haha sorry, buddy!]

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Somewhere in a tall building...
"Mwahahahaha!" mwaha-ed Lee. "They, like, totally fell for it!"
"Tss.." tssed Harvey, shaking his head.
Oh, its not what you think! I'll tell you the scenario.
Harvey is tied up in a straight-backed wooden chair (gasp! those hurt!) while Lee is watching the weird bunch think they were successful in spoiling his plan.
"They think they're SO great, those Weird Bunch!" he snarled.
"Well... we are."
"Who said you could talk?" snapped Lee.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, your royal pain-in-my--"
"Sssssh! No swearing! This is a kid's story, remember?"
"I was gonna say 'butt'!"
Lee glared at Harvey.
"Nah, I was gonna say pain-in-my-ass."
Lee gasped.
"So what do you plan on doing to me anyway?" asked a calm, cool and aloof Harvey.
"I am soooo addicted to how THIN you are!" Lee bursted.
"Why, thank you, I get that a lot."
"And I love your hair! What do you put on it?"
"I use papaya extract and thank you, but I'd like to have my hair on my body, if you dont mind."
"Oh, you will..." Lee giggled mischievously. "Your body wont be damaged... it just wont be yours anymore. Mwahahahahaha! Are you wondering what I'm planning to do? Are ya? Are ya?"
"I already know. You're planning a brain transplant so your brain will be in my body. Tsk, tsk. How cliche..."
"Who cares? At least I look like you!"
"So what now? You have a crush on me?"
No answer.
"I'm flattered that you like me but I don't think I want to be fat, dark and have issues."
"There's nothing you can do! You're tied up to a chair!"
"That's what you think." Harvey replied ever so coolly. "While you were confessing your secret love for me, I untied myself."
"You're bluffing!" accused Lee.
"Seriously, people these days... they dont think!"
Harvey removed the loose ropes, stood up, walked over to Lee, boinked him on the head and jumped out the window. Why, you ask? Because right at that moment, the Weird Bunch's private jet, piloted by Ashley (coz I'm she's the only one that knows how to drive) swerved right under him and he landed COOLLY into the seat behind her.
"Perfect timing. What made you realize?" he asked as he buckled in his seatbelt (SAFETY FIRST!)
"I couldn't hear Lee crying."
"Oh."

THE END OF THIS SEASON.
The Author would like to dedicate this season finale to Harvey, who is SO cool and SO NOT gay.
Clues about the next season:

-story is now about Lyca D' Lam
-I think it should be rated PG13
-for blood and gore content >:] MWAHAHAHAHA
-dont worry she wont die
-yet! mwahahahaha >:]
-juz keedun!
-or am I? MWAHAHAHAHa >:]

By the way, nobody has come up to me yet about the Letter E Challenge so you can still see me. Deadline is Nov.10,2008. Monday.

P.S. For those who DO want to see Lyca meet her unfortunate end, send me a comment anywhere. Friendster URL : http://profiles.friendster.com/themagz or you can just send it here. And since this blog only reaches a maximum of 5 people, I don't expect anyone to comment...

Bye! Eat at Bretto's sometime, k? Burger's HUGE

Ep 2.4

EDIT (09/27/2014): Ho-lee shit it's been almost six years to the day I wrote this (lame) story! First things first, Paolo's openly gay now. So this story is messed up. Also, I edited out the word "racist" and put "homophobic" instead, because apparently 14-year old me thought gays were a race. In any case, in the next six years to come that 14-year old girl grew up to be a staunch supporter of LGBT rights and all that, so... don't judge me by how negatively I wrote, although I really never was against homosexuality haha.

Dear Readers, this will be the very first season that has a 4th episode. Please applaud. Thanks. Now you may start to read.
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Sorry for the pause, I had to rinse thoroughly parts of my anatomy that I think may have been in contact with Copper Sulfide. Now, back to the story...

"We have a big problem.."
"I know..."
"What are we going to do?"
"I don't know..."
"I think we should just pull them out..."
"I think so too..."
Somewhere in their ridiculously large warehouse called the Hub, the girls were having a conversation. And the tendency of males (or in this case, gays) is to listen to what they're saying.
"Oh, no!" gasped Paolo. "They're, like, gonna pull us out coz we're, like, GAY!"
"Ugh," tsked Harvey. "How homophobic."
"I know! It's all your fault, kasi!"
"Eggs-key-yooz-eh-mwah?"
"Yeah! If you hadn't stopped to watch American Idle, we woudn't be in this mess!"
"That's it!" Harvey stamped his foot. "Why is it always my fault? I'm always the one being blamed for everything that happens in this house!"
"That's coz it IS your fault!"
"That! Is! It, sssssister!"
SLAP.
"Oh... NO... you... DIDN'T!"
SLAP.
"Eugh! Feel the power of my newly manicured fingernails!"
Scrrrratch.
"My face! Ugh!"
POKE.
"My eye! My eye! Hiyaaa!"
CHUG.
[Note from the Author: I'm, like, a girl so I, like, don't know how it feels to get kicked in the nuts but... just imagine that...]

The girls heard a door slam somewhere in the distance.
"Wuz goin on?" asked Annika.
They poked their heads out of the room and looked.
Then Harvey came thundering down the stairs and walked past them.
"Yo, Harvey!" called Lyca. "Where're you goin?"
"I'm leaving this place forever!" he screeched. "Nobody appreciates me, nobody notices me! I'm just a shadow to you people!"
And before he slammed the door, he shouted:
"And nobody accepts me for who I am!"
Lyca and Annika ran out to chase him.
"Tsss..." tssed Paolo coming from nowhere. "What's his problem..."
"What's up? Did you have a fight or something?" asked Ashley.
"It's his fault I'm gay!"
"So? We accept you for who you are!"
"But I wanna stay in the Weird Bunch!"
"What? You can be in the Weird Bunch and still be gay!" [NFTA: This is, like, so totally not true but I'm not, like, homophobic or anything I just don't know anybody I like thats gay--2014 EDIT: Yes, you do!]
"But... I thought you're going to pull us out because we're gay!"
"What? Why would I say that? I'm the nicest, most generous, frikkin most awesome person in the world!" [NFTA: Now THIS is true :D]
"Then what were you talking about???"
"WEEDS! We were talking about the weed infestation in our garden!"
[If you scrolled up just to see if this fits, then I have the power to control your frikkin minds bwahahaha]
"Oh..."
"C'mon! We'd better catch up with Harvey!"
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But Harvey was so far away already, by now, he already walked all the way to the city. Annika and Lyca weren't much help. They got distracted by a lemonade stand so they stopped running.
Ashley and Paolo, on the other hand, who were so brilliantly brilliant and so great, ran as fast as they could to the direction where they saw Harvey going.
"Hey..." Ashley said as she ran side-by-side with Paolo, who wasn't as brilliant nor as fast as her bwaha. "Isn't that Annika and Lyca over there buying lemonade???"
"Why, I think it is, indeed."
"Tsss... lazy frikkin sons of--"
[This is a children' story.]

By the time Ash and Pao arrived (P.S. You may not call me Ash unless I've known you for over a year and have said more than 500 words to your face. I don't know about Paolo though), it was too late. Lee had begun. Begun what you ask? Wait. I'll think of something...

Kay, I'm done thinking. This is ever so slightly gross and a little 'pleshae' but just go with the flow...

On the TV screen in the barber shop...
"Good morning/afternoon/evening! My name is Larry Queen and today/this afternoon/tonight we'll be talking about Lee's plan on world domination. So what can you tell us, Lee?"
"Well, I intentionally [pssshhh, nosebleed] joined American Idle and got rejected so that I can spread this virus that I have discovered. The Gaytaba Virus, it is unique [psssh, nb] because unlike other viruses, it is spread by hearing and only through songs. So I sang a song and spread the virus to all the judges, all the viewers, and... sigh... Ryan Oceancrest xoxo..."
"This is very unique! Thank crap I didn't watch... So what does this Gaytaba Virus do anyway?"
"Well, it enters through the ear canal, and invades all the cells, and so, I can call you... my children!"
"So what will you do with your 'children'?"
"The virus will spread to their brain cells and tell them that I am their Jumbo."
"Jumbo?"
"Leader."
"Oh. Jumbo leader?"
"No, just Jumbo."
"What if they make fun of you by calling you Dumbo instead of Jumbo?"
"Then they shall perish![psssh.. NB]"
"How? Don't you just control them?"
"I'll make them jump off a cliff or something!"
"What do you plan to do with your controlled 'children'?"
"Hehehehehe..."

"Tssss..." tssed Ashley.
"It seems to me..." began Paolo.
"It's another job for..." continued Ashley.
"The Weird Bunch!" shouted Annika and Lyca in unison. [Voc. Unison- at the same time in the same pitch]
"About time..." grumbled Paolo.
"Hey!" Ashley exclaimed.
"What?"
"I've just noticed!"
"What?"
"You're not that gay anymore!"
"Huh? Oh yeah!"
Out of nowhere, Alex and Sandee appeared.
"We know the cure! We know the cure!" said an over-excited Sandee.
"It's excercise!" said Alex.
"How did you find that out?" inquired Lyca.
"Well, we tested in on white mice." explained Alex the genius. "We exposed them to Lee's singing and when they were gay, we put a box of lipstick and a box of shaving cream in two separate ends of the room..."
"And they went to the lipstick, obviously..." continued Sandee.
"...but then when they got there..."
"They turned around and headed for the shaving cream!"
"So we came to the conclusion..."
"That by running towards the lipstick..."
"The mice sweated out the Gaytaba Virus!"
"Brilliant!" said Ashley. "Excercise is the cure!"
"Precisely! We'll go back to the Hub then..."

A magnificent lightbulb of ideas lighted upon the magnificent head of Ashley the Magnificent.
"I have a magnificent idea!"

I'm gonna stop now. So... I'll post a challenge.
Since the letter E is the most commonly used letter in the English alphabet, I challenge you to count ALL the E's in ep 2.4. If you counted correctly, add a P before it and that's how much the prize is.
P.S. It only works for the first person who gives me the answer. If he/she got it wrong, the challenge is over.
Bye~!

Ep 2.3

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!"
A few minutes after the scene, Harvey was still trying to accept the fact that he's gay.
"Its okay, Harvey," comforted Paolo. "We're here for you!"
"Yeah, we don't care if you're gay," said Ashley. "We like you for who you are inside!"
"Pfffff, yeeeeeah RIGHT..." said Lyca.
"But how can I be gay?" Harvey moaned. "I'm so macho!"
"Uh..."
"Yeah, sure..."
"Tssss..."
"Wait a second..." Harvey thought. "I was, like, in the supermarket when it, like, all started..."
FLASHBACK:
Harvey was looking around for super macho deodorant (or something...) when he walked past the tv. American Idle was starting their auditions and Harvey, knowing that idiots like to audition, stopped to watch.
"Our next auditioner will be Mr. Lee, an African native who came all the way there just to audition," said Ryan Oceancrest. "Let's see whether he's going to Hollywood.. or to Africa..."
So Mr. Lee went in front of the judges, Randy Jackdaughter, Paula Achoo and Simon Cow.
And he sang... if you don't know who Mr.Lee is, too bad, because you can NEVER imagine... how... horribly PAINFUL it is... at this part, we all just totally black out... its too horrible... lets just skip it..
And now it is time to hear what the judges think.
"Yo, dawg," said Randy. "I'm feelin' yo vibes man, but... its just not... tv material, ya feel me? So I'm gonna say... no on this one, man, sorry, dawg..."
"Ok... ok..." said Lee, hiding his tears.
"Oh, Lee..." tsk-ed Paula. "You're... a... an... a... a wonderful singer... bu... but... y..you...you're just not... not... i.. it, I'm sorry..."
"Its... o.. o..okay..." trembled Lee.
Now time for Simon Cow.
"Lee, tha' wuzz... a terribur terribur pefohmans!" he said in the English accent of his.
"What???" exclaimed Lee in a high pitched voice.
"Ah mee, seeyohslee, Leeh! Tha wuzz howibul! Ah dont think I've evah heard anything like THA befow!"
"But, it wasnt THAT horrible was it?"
"Eht wuzz! Eht wuzz, eht wuzz eht, wuzz! Tha wuzz the mows howibul theng I've evah heard! I's likhe the beckgrawnd myoozic fow the Ehnd o the wor'd!"
"... what???"
"Ugh, don' youw ghet it yhet?"
"... I dont understand what you're saying!"
"Well, nobody does, Lee," comes in Ryan Oceancrest. "Well, unfortunately, that's 3 nos... I guess you're going back to Africa, byebye!"
Harvey stared, this strange feeling rushing through him... he could feel it... it was coming...
PROOOOOOOT.
"Phew! Shouldn't have had that burrito for lunch..."
So Harvey was riding his totally awesome Porsche on the way home when he had to stop because he felt nauseous. He puked in the neighbor's yard.

"...and that's all I remember..."
"You dont remember coming in and telling me you got me a friggin' granola bar?" Paolo asked.
"Oh, yeah!" Harvey said. "And Paolo, you should really watch your figure, you don't wanna get fat, do you? Gynecoids are like, so last season!"
"Better than turning gay..."
"Well," Alex said. "I will have to watch a video of that audition."
"Okay, I'll log on to MyPipe then." Sandee said.

While Alex and Sandee were doing their stuff, Harvey was taking a shower and Paolo wanted to take one too but since the girls spend so much time in the bathroom, there was none left. So he went to tell Harvey to hurry up.
"Harvey! Hurry UP! I wanna take a bath now!"
But Harvey couldn't hear him because he was singing too loudly.
"I am BEEyootiFUL! No matter whaaaat they saaaaay..." he sang.
"Urgh," said Paolo, disgusted. "I forgot.. I'm the only boy in this house now..."
Unfortunately, Paolo decided to wait outside the bathroom forHarvey to finish. And coincidentally, the song Harvey was singing was the same song the Lee sang for American Idle!
So a few minutes later, Paolo felt nauseous himself and puked.
"Uh-oh..."

"What's up, sisTER?" asked Paolo. "Hey, aren't the Jo Bros soooooo, like, cuuuute??!!"
"Oh--" said Ashley.
"My--" said Annika.
"Grapes!" said Lyca.
"What?"
"My grapes have finally turned into raisins!" she clapped happily. "What were you saying?"
"Paolo's got the gay virus!"
"Oh no!" Lyca gasped. "Now we're all girls in the building!"
"Hey, thats a good thing!" said Annika.
"Yeah but I didn't include that in the 'Oh no' part."
"So why did you say it?"
"Why do I have to tell you every reason I say something?"
"You dont! I just dont get what the hell you're saying sometimes!"
"Can we get back to the point???" interrupted the greatest interrupter in the world, Ashley.
"Which is?"
"PAOLO'S GOT THE GAY VIRUS!"
"Why do you call it the gay virus?"
"Yeah, it could be called GAYstigma, dysGAYsima, HIGay..."
"Because its too hard to type!"
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And once again the author is getting tired... I think I'll play dota now.. byebye and good riddance!
[Edited October 20th of the year 2008, 7:38 of the clock PM. The gynecoid part was dedicated to Ms.Manio who is celebrating her __st/nd/rd/th birthday today. Gynecoid is also referred to as Gynoid. They both come from the Greek 'gyno', 'gynaikos', 'gyneco-' all combining forms meaning woman because Gynecoid Obesity is Fat distribution in a female fashion. How absurd and not to mention sexist to be only connected to the feminine race although I have seen men with this shape. Oh, and for those who answered in the Exam that Gynecoid was the apple-shape and Android was the pear-shape, you are so totally misled and I pity your ignorance. What fools walk this Earth... you are unworthy to read this blog... GET OUT! Turn off your computer and read a book or something to fill that empty coconut on your head! It is unknown to me the reason of my harsh personality on the closing hour of 7 PMof the clock. Now I have to delete this malware I got from the insanely annoying Computer Lubb...]