Monday, December 29, 2008

CBSS: Harry Potter



Note to the Reader/s: Hey, its another CBSS, the Harry Potter CBSS.

NOTE v.2 : I don't know why, but there are loads of spaces between lines... just... deal with it.
NOTE v.3 : Ignore the mistaken title please, I forgot to add the others hahahahaha



Characters:

Harry - Paolo (coz of the glasses)

Ron - Harvey (coz he's... funny?)

Hermione - had to be me coz I'm the smartest Weird Bunch >:]

Ginny - Lyca (coz like... feisty and stuff?)

Luna - ANNIKA! (haha no need to explain the weirdness!)
Note: Please be informed that on Dec.28,2008 Annika and Harvey, supposedly going to SM Clark, rode the wrong transportation and ended up at--wait for it... SM Pamp! Hahahahaha also be informed that I waited for nearly 2 hours! Thank God he invented Cybr!

Neville - couldn't really think of anyone...

Moldy - Well... everybody knows who represents Moldy!

P.S. The relationship thingy at the epilogue of DH doesn't apply because 1, eew, Harvey and 2, hahahaha Paolo and Lyca? That'll be the day...

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Paolo Urquico and the following: the Missing Can, The Three Important Things To Do and Moldy's Cotton Candy Catastrophe






Tan-taaaan-tanan-taaaan-tan-taaaaan-taaaaaan!


Paolo Urquico was no ordinary boy, for one thing, he had eyeglasses. Oh, but not just any eyeglasses... his eyeglasses were special. Those eyeglasses could only be cleaned using a cloth.





But that wasn't the only extraordinary thing about Paolo Urquico. Paolo Urquico (can I stop typing Urquico now? It's so loooong) had the most awesome of awesome Friend...s, Ashley and Harvey! (mostly Ashley) And some other friends: Annika and Lyca. And on a lesser note, he was a wizard. So what? Oh, and he had a scar. Not an external one, an internal one. He is emotionally scarred, he doesn't like FC little kids who come up to him and ask questions.






On a seemingly normal Saturday morning at school (they don't have class on Thursdays to commemorate the day Ashley was born so now they have class on Sat mwahahaha and yes, I know I was born on a Thursday, I used a Perpetual Calendar), Paolo arrived just in time to have the daily assembly, carrying his usual gigantic CELINE PAPER BAG filled with ALL his books with no apparent reason. He immediately looked for his totally awesome friends, Ashley and Harvey.





He saw them at the regular place where they hang out, the cubby holes (not inside them, just near them!).




He walked up to them and immediately planted his hand on Ashley's shoulder in order to 'suck' his so-called "shoulder power". In other words, Ashley is used as a certain 'charger'.








After the reminders of Professor D, they proceeded to ascend their solid, unmoving stairs. In the process of ascension, the three group of friends always had to stay behind to get their Daily Philippine Star. Paolo actually doesn't, he just waits for Ashley's fresh supply of "shoulder power" while she and Harvey painfully, hard-workingly, devotedly, selflessly, putting themselves in a difficult position of levitating the papers up the stairs.




"What's your first subject today?" asked Paolo.




"English, why?" replied Harvey.




"Nothing, I was just distracting you while I took your lollipop."




"Rrrr..."




Ashley, suffering under Paolo's grip of sucking her "shoulder power", complained:




"How come you don't suck Harvey's 'shoulder power'?"




"Becauzzzzz, how can I suck 'shoulder power' from a slanted shoulder? It's impossible!"




"Hmm... good point."




Harvey did that squinty thing he always does.




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When the non-existing school bell signaled the start of class, Paolo hurried up his packing of things because he knew the teacher was coming 5.13 minutes later. He stuffed his stuff hurriedly and sprinted to his desk, unfortunately being at the other side of the room. Why this took 5.13 minutes, I do not know. The moment his left buttock touched the ice-cold dark red/maroon-ish chair, his first subject teacher popped in.





In the other room, Ashley and Harvey were waiting for their teacher. Being seated near the door, Harvey, doodling at the back of his Values Education notebook, saw something moving near the section B's lockers. Knowing that all students must be inside after the imaginary bell rang, he turned around to where Ashley was teaching her seatmate Claude how to do the math homework.




"Did you see that?" Harvey asked as Claude nosebled.
"See what?" Ashley replied as Candice, Harvey's seatmate, handed Claude tissue.




"There was something or someone messing around near the section B's lockers."




"Hmm... near which locker specifically?"




"Paolo's."




They both squinted their knowledgeable eyes, their brains whirring, thinking of an answer this to mysterious case.




-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The imaginary bell rang again for Snack Time. The three, along with their other friends Annika and Lyca, headed to the Great Cafe.




"Paolo, we saw something or someone near your locker." said Ashley.




"Yeah, is there any vandalism?"




"No, I didn't notice anything. Let's just look later after snacks."




The snacks for that day were Porridge/Lugaw (I think, yuck, by the way) and Corned Beef sandwiches (oooooh, worst day ever...). Having no choice, the three plus two paid for their food and sat down.




It's kinda quiet today, thought Paolo. I wonder what's up...




Just then, the class president of the section B burst into the Great Cafe and marched toward Paolo.




"Paolo, we need funds for our photocopy of the summary of our classic reader, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows©."




"Ok, how much do you need?"




"Around... P40."




"Hey, can you include our class, too? Here..." asked Ashley and handed him the money.




"Ok, let's just go upstairs and I'll get the class funds..."




Upstairs, with 10 minutes left of snack time:




"Oh no!" whined Paolo, taking stuff out of his locker and throwing them to the floor.




"Ouch!" yelled an innocent bystander who was crawling on the floor looking for crumbs.




"Sorry... ASHLEY! HARVEY! Come here!"




"What?"




"Did you take my can?"




"Excuse me?"




"My can! My can!! MY CAN!!!"




"WHAT can?!"




"The Class Funds Can!"




"Why would you think we have it?"




"Coz you two are the only ones who know my combination!"




"Hey!" Harvey's eyes widened. "It was the thief we saw this morning!"




Ashley rounded on Paolo.




"Did you lock your locker properly this morning?"




"Yeah! I think... but my lock was locked when I opened it!"




"Well, obviously the thief would lock your locker again so it would look like nothing happened!"




"Good point."




"Thank you."




"So how do we find out who the thief was?" asked Harvey.




"The more important thing is to tell the authorities," Ashley pointed out.




"No, the most important thing is to get the money back!" said Paolo.




With these 3 important things to do, the friends split up and followed their own objectives.









From here, you might think that Ashley has the easiest thing to do. She could just go down one floor and tell any teacher there. But this was no ordinary Saturday.





When Ashley arrived at the 3rd floor, there was an eerie atmosphere. She went to the teacher's faculty room and peeked inside. Nobody there. Ashley smacked herself on the forehead and told herself, "Of course, stupid, they're having snacks!" so she went downstairs.









Harvey's thing to do would be the hardest obviously because catching a thief isn't easy. But once again, this was no ordinary Saturday.





Harvey entered the freshmen room section A and looked at each and every student. Since he was the one who saw the thief first, he would know the physical descriptions of the person he needed to find out. But this was all unnecessary because--





"I'm the thief you're looking for." said a voice behind Harvey. He turned and saw to his intense belief, none other than the flat-faced Moldy.













Paolo's thing to do was, to me, the least important of all. Because, who cares about the money if there's a sneaking thief around the school? But this was important to Paolo to uphold his reputation of being... I dunno... trustworthy?




So after unsuccessfully looking at the forever-locked lost and found, he thought and thought and thought of a plan to get all the money back, which was a total of P36 (haha, so they couldn't have afforded the photocopies anyway) because they spent it all on CRANBERRY JUICE at their Christmas Party, and had an idea.





But then, a little CASA kid walked up to him (because he was walking around their area, the one near the lost and found) and asked, "What's you're name?".




At this moment, Paolo's "internal scar of hatred of FC children" burned like hell and momentarily blinded him. The pain was so intense, that he collapsed on the floor. Not until the kid lost interest and left him on the floor did he revive from that terrible episode.









Fortunately, Ashley, who went downstairs to look for the teachers saw him and rushed over and gave him "shoulder power".




"Hey! Did your internal scar hurt again?"




"Yeah... I saw a picture of moldy bread...but I'm fine now..." he said, standing up still gripping Ashley's shoulder.




"Which FC kid was it?"




"That one." Paolo pointed.




"Ugh," Ashley grimaced. "Disgusting."




"Lucky you were here."




"Yeah, I was looking for the teachers. There are no teachers at all!"




"That's weird... none at the faculty?"




"None!"




"Maybe... they're having a meeting in the library?"




"Maybe... are you coming with me?"




"Yeah... I guess so. I can' think of anything to get the money back right now..." he said, forgetting the idea he previously had.












Harvey was not so fortunate. After bumping in to Moldy, he was having a verbal fight with... it.




"Why did you steal the section B's money, flat face?" he spat.




"So that Paolo would lose its credibility, permanent-pimple-boy!" it hissed.




"What do you have against Paolo, you white-faced thing that gets on bread that's stayed out too long?"




At these words, Moldy began his speech:




"There was a prophecy made by the prophetess--"




"Duh."




"Shatap! Anyway, the prophetess predicted that there would be one who would defeat me in all subjects! He must be defeated!"




"How are you so sure that it's Paolo?"




"Because the prophecy indicated that the one who would beat me would be tall, black-haired, spoke English, wrote a blog, plays Oblivion, is a Class Officer and travels in a group of three plus two!"




Harvey stared, his brain thinking.




"I'm tall. And I 'travel' in a group of three plus two!"




"Yes but you do NOT write a blog and play Oblivion nor are you a class officer!"




"You know, there could be someone else being talked about... or should I say, there is another Subject."




"Oh, please, stop acting smart. Who is the other subject?!"




"Sheesh, and you're not that smart..." Harvey walked away and turned around. "Oh, and by the way, you shouldn't have said it was you who stole the can, lamebrain."




"Why not?"




"Because now I can turn you in, mutha fu--."




Aaaaaaanyways, back to the nicer people...




Paolo and Ashley were at the library, concerned. Even the librarian was gone. They also passed the Grade School Faculty and there were no teachers there... even the bookstore lady or the cashier or and guards!




"This is really freaking me out..." said Ashley.




"Yeah... where could adults go at a time like this?" Paolo wondered.




Just then, the imaginary school bell rang and teachers and staff suddenly popped in as though they 'teleported'. Apparently they all had their coffee breaks.




"What the-- what are you doing in the library, Ms. Magz?" asked Professor A, the coffee break-king.




"Uhm.. we were looking for a teacher, sir,"




"We? Who's we?"




Ashley looked at Paolo.




"We! Me and Paolo!"




"But Paolo's not here!"




"What the..." Paolo stared at Professor A. "Are you kidding me?"




He waved a hand in front of his face. Nothing.




He made a funny face. Nothing.




He slapped him hard across the face. Nothing. He didn't even flinch.




"What's going on?" Ashley said.








"Bwahahahaha!" Moldy came out of nowhere. "Nobody can see Paolo because I put a spell to make everyone except the group of three plus two forget that he ever existed!"




"Why?"




"So I can finish him and nobody would know it!"




"I would know, so would Harvey and Annika and Lyca!"




Moldy laughed. "Who would believe four teenage kids against a whole school?"




"Good point."




"Thank you. Now, it's time to meet your maker, Paolo Urquico!" it raised its Leone© ballpen up in the air and began to make it go all swirly swirly.




"Waaaaaaait!"




Harvey, Annika and Lyca ran towards them.




"What now? And about time you two girls showed up..."




"You can't kill Paolo!"




"Why not?"




"Because I told you," Harvey said. "He's not the one you're looking for!"




"Who is, then?"




"It's Ashley!" yelled Lyca.

"Ashley's the one with the brains to beat you!" celebrated Harvey.



"Oh, thanks a lot, Harvey, now she's gonna kill ME."




"No problemo, hiyaaaa!" Moldy swooshed its Leone© ballpen and in a second Ashley burst into balls of cotton candy.




"Mwahahahaha! Now no one will ever beat me!" Moldy raised its hands in triumph.




"Yeah, but now all the teachers have seen what you've done and now, you're off to juvenile prison. Bye bye!"




"Uh-oh, nooooooooooooooooo!" Moldy yelled as the teachers stunned him and called the police.




"Don't worry," said Annika. "I'm sure there are really nice people there. Make sure you ride the right transportation! You don't wanna end up at the wrong prison, do you?"




"Good luck!" waved Lyca. "But there's still the problem about fluffy here..." she pointed to the balls of cotton candy. "How do we bury her? Like... in a plastic with a stick or..."




"Hahaha, you don't think I'm dead, do you?"








Note: Well, duh, how could I let MYSELF die? That's just stupid. Actually...








Ashley performed a complex thingymajigger where she replicated herself and hid so when Moldy planned on killing her, the replicate would just burst into balls of delicious cotton candy.








"Enjoy!"




So the group of three plus two, and some other teachers who witnessed the event, ate cotton candy balls and chatted merrily and they lived happily ever after. Until the imaginary bell rang and they had to go have their Spanish class, conjugating the verbs and stuff...












THE END.








PS - The idea that Paolo had was never shown, but it was actually a fund-raising concert where he performed the noseflute.




PS2 - The Can was found under the lockers of the section B.




PS3 - Is a gaming console.




Wow, this story was kinda long, wasn't it? I really don't have anything to do kasi eh. I'm done with Resistance 2... so I'll just write.




By the way, starting today, this blog will be private.









Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or the characters, or the logo, or the Harry Potter theme (the tan-tanan-taaan... at the beginning) or anything Harry Potter related. They all belong to JKR.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

CBSS: F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Note to the reader: This episode is a spoof of the Episode 3.18 "The One with the Hypnosis Tape" because it was when Chandler tries to stop smoking hahahahaha
Another note: I've got the picture!
NOTE: HAHAHAHA IGNORE THE PIC! IM KINDA DYSLEXIC SO I DIDNT NOTICE THAT ITS WEIRD BNUCH HAHAHAHAH!!!






List of Characters and their representatives:
(Alphabetical Order)

> Chandler Bing - Harvey Kim (of course, who else? )

> Joey Tribbiani - yeah, I couldn't find anyone for him and since he doesnt do much in this ep, he'll be represented by himself...

> Monica Geller - Lyca D' Lam (coz of that whiny voice hahaha)

> Phoebe Buffay - Annika (because of the weird hippie-ness? haha kidding! u hate peace doncha?)

> Rachel Green - (i dunno, i just told the starbucks guy to write Rachel on my frap so i guess now I'm Rachel?)

> Ross Geller - Paolo U. (coz tall-ish... looking like a smart dude-ishnessicity? he was Ross in starbucks, btw)

Central Perk will still be called Central Perk
A break from tradition, you know?

For those who actually watched this episode, you might get bored.

Let it begin...
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Harvey walked in to the coffee shop, sat down and took out his "stuff" and started to "do" it.
At once, his awesome, brilliant friends who HE SHOULD BE THANKFUL FOR HAVING shouted and yelled.
"Hey hey hey hey hey!"
"Quit smoking!"
"What?!" Harvey asked. "I'm troubled!"
"Hey," said Ashley. "I have this friend who listened to this 'hypnosis tape' overnight, and the next day, she quit smoking!"
"Great..."
"I could borrow and it and you should listen to it!"
"Okeydokey."
Harvey "did" it again.
"Could you just stop?" Paolo glared.
"Fine..."
"Thank you."
"... I was...actually...going to the bathroom to smoke there..."
"Haaaayayayyyy..."
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The next day at Central Perk.
"Harvey, Harvey, Harvey!" Ashley came rushing in.
"'What?' says Harvey number one! 'What' says Harvey number two--" Harvey began to joke.
"Oh shut up! Here's the tape!"
She handed it out to him.
Harvey stared at it for a while.
"It doesn't look like gum," he commented.
"Arrrrgh, you and your jokes!" Annika groaned.

Suddenly, her younger brother (fictional, she has a younger sister and older brothers) came in and announced that he was getting married to a lady that is 20 years older than him and walked out of the cafe.

"Well, that was quick..." said Paolo.
"Yeah, I know! I mean, he's only 18 and he's getting MARRIED?!" Annika said in disbelief.
"No... I was talking about his announcement..."
"But c'mon, Annika, if he really loves her, then shouldn't you be happy?" asked Lyca.
"Yeah, I should! But she's like... I just don't want him to marry her!"
"Why is it coz of the age thing?" Paolo asked.
"I'm okay witht the 'age thing', until it starts to put its tongue down my brother's throat!" she freaked out.
* Actual line
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At work, Lyca was serving this chubby guy with spiky hair and a nice moustache named (I'm so sorry, dude, but it SO FITS! The guy in the real episode was chubby, rich and had a goatee!!! this is perfect!) Vince.
He put his tip in the tip box and started to walk out to door when Lyca called him back.
"Excuse me! What the hell is this?"
She held up a check for $20,000.
"I'm sorry," he smiled. "I just don't know how much to tip."
"You're supposed to double the tax, not double the tax of ROMANIA."
*Actual Line
"So can I ask you on a date?"
"What?"
"Will you. Go out. With me?"
"Yeah, sure what the hell..."
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Later that night, Harvey gets ready to sleep and remembers the tape that Ashley gave him to help him quit.
He puts it in and falls asleep.
"Smoking is bad for you health..." it began.
...
"You are a strong, independent woman... and you don't need to smoke..." it repeated over and over again because it stuck.
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The next morning at Central Perk.
"Hey Pao," Annika asked. "You think I'm right, right?"
"About what?" he asked.
"About... not wanting Gio to marry Debra?... Because she's old..."
"Well, if it's what you really think is right, then its right. But you can't stop true love, can you?"
"But... do YOU think they should get married?"
"Well... I think that they should wait. Because this thing could just be a fling, you know?"
"Yeah... Hey!"
"What?"
"Can you try to talk some sense into him?"
"Who, me? Why me?"
"Coz you're experienced in this type of thing!"
"Oh, that's nice."
"No, come on! I mean, you got divorced already..."
"Yeah, because my ex-wife turned out to be LESBIAN!"
"But it still counts!"
"So what? What's the connection between trying to fix your brother?"
"JUST DO IT, PAOLO, OR SO HELP ME I WILL MAKE SURE YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A CHANCE AT ANOTHER MARRIAGE EVERRRRR!"
"okay ok.."
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So Paolo goes to Gio's apartment to try to make him change his mind.
"Hey, Gio... uhm.. let's talk."
"Ok, what's up?"
"Uhm... some of us think..." Paolo began. "That.. your marriage is uhm..."
"What?"
"A little... too... weird? You know? I mean, she's like, what, 20 years older than you? I mean, c'mon, you're 18! You're at the top of your game! You've got your whole life ahead of you! Whereas she's... gonna die yeeeeears before you mature!"
"Yeah, I know all that but... Paolo, have you ever been in love?"
"Yeah."
(*Okay this is too weird haha but I have to finish this part.)
"Well, what would you do if... your sister told you she doesnt think you should be together because the woman you love isn't the right age? Or the right look? Or the right personality? Wouldn't you fight like hell and ignore the people just to be with her?"
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"So how did it go?" Annika asked Paolo.
"Oh.. you know..."
"No.. I don't... which is why I'm asking."
"Well.. I told him that... that we thought Debra was too old..."
"And?"
"And he said he loved her..."
"Aaaaand?"
"And I... I... I said if he loved her so much they should get married--PLEASE DONT KILL ME!"
"Why yoooooooooou!!!"
"Aaaaaaaaaah! Not the face! Not the face! Oooooo, not there either..."
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In Lyca's apartment, Ashley and Lyca were watching TV.
"Hey, Ash, I've got a date tonight, don't wait up."
"Oooh, a date? With whoooo?"
"Some guy named Vince. Kinda chubby, spiky hair, nice moustache."
"Wait a second, Vince? The MILLIONARE Vince?"
"Well, yeah, he tipped $20,000 so..."
"OMG Lyca's going out with a millionare!"
"Oh, shut up."
Harvey came in.
"Hey Ash can I borrow your makeup kit?"
"Yeah, why, do you have a scar that needs covering up?"
"No, I just realized that I look HORRIBLE in my office light so I thought I needed more blush and just a slightly darker lip color to accent my mascara..." Harvey said as he looked in the mirror.
"Haha, okaaaay, Harvey," Ashley and Lyca laughed.
"What do you really want?" Lyca asked.
"What are you talking about? I want Ashley's make up kit!"
"Just get to the point of the joke, Harv, I've got a date tonight, I don't wanna be late..."
"Oooooh, a date? With whoooo?"
"Vince the MILLIONARE!" squealed Ashley.
"OMG! I read in Vogue that he's the most fashionable AND richest guy of 2028!"
"Okay, Harv, jokes over," said Ashley as Lyca went to her room to pick out what she was going to wear that night. "Stop acting all--"
"Hey, Ash, what should I wear, the blue or the red?" Lyca asked, holding up both.
"I'd go with the--"
"Totally wear the red, it matches your hair and if you wear the right accessories, you could make it work wonderfully." Harvey observed. "I've got just the right earrings! Wait here..."
Ashley and Lyca looked at each other, alarmed.
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Annika decided to accept the fact that her brother was married this older woman, so she went to Gio's apartment.
"Gio... I guess I was a little unfair to Debra. If you really love her, then you can get married."
"Actually, we already did!" Debra said happily.
"And then we tried for a baby." said Gio.
"Oh."
"But we couldnt."
"Oh thank heavens..."
"So we went to the doctor..."
"Uh-oh."
"And they said we COULD have a baby..."
"Oh, crap."
"... we just need a surrogate mother."
"And I'm guessing..."
"Could it be you?"
"Hm... yeah okay!" Annika agreed suprisingly quickly. "I'd LOVE to be able to say, 'I gave birth to my brother's child.'Awesome!"
*This part didn't actually happen in this episode. I just skipped so that you'd see how weird Phoebe is haha
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On Lyca's date, Vince took her to Rome and ordered pizza.
While those two were having fun, Harvey was preparing to sleep again. They have different time zones so dont get confused.
Ashley snuck in to Harvey's apartment to find out exactly what was making him so gay.
"You are a strong, independent woman..." the tape played.
"Ohhhh... hihihihihihihi.." Ashley laughed. "Hmmmm..."
She removed the tape and voiced over it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hey guys!" Harvey burst in Lyca's apartment where everybody was having breakfast. "Let's go to the beach!"
"Holy--"
"Is that--?"
"Are you--?"
Ashley laughed uncontrollaby.
Harvey was wearing a red bikini, carrying a beach ball and a surfing board.
"Hey, hot stuff," he winked at Vince. "You wanna rub some sun screen on me?"


THE END


This is for those who didnt watch that episode. You should because its soooooo funny.
Some parts were in the actual episode and some parts I just edited a little bit.

DISCLAIMER or whatever, I saw this on youtube
I do not own FRIENDS or any of the characters, all ideas and stuff belong to Warner Bros. Television, etc. etc.

Harvey if you're wondering where I got Giovanni and Debra, its the real name of Frank Jr and Alice, Giovanni Ribisi and Debra Jo Rupp.

Goodnight!

Christmas Break

To the less than four people who read this blog,

Please be informed that I will not continue with the announced Season about Lyca D' Lam...b. Instead I will be doing a Christmas Break Spoof Special. Soon to be shortcutted as CBSS.

Further information about the CBSS:

The CBSS will be about spoofs, of course, of TV Shows. Some may not really be about Christmas but I'll try to make most of it Christmas-y... yikes, I'm forgetting how to spell 'Christmas'. I keep spelling it Chrismast for some reason... anyho, the first CBSS will be entitled: "CBSS: F.R.I.E.N.D.S" with an image which I will put later when I'm done painting it hahahahaha

Merry Christmas!