Abracada--what?!

Everybody enjoys a good magic show. Especially when something magical happens that nobody but the magician can explain. In this episode, you might just experience a magic show quite unlike the others...


Characters


Harvey - the Magician
Imma - the assistant
Ashley - member of the audience and other
Paolo - member of the audience
The Journalist - a journalist




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Taken from the voice records, journals and extracted memories of the anonymous person, who is most probably the journalist.

In the back room of a prestigious night club...

"Thank you for your generous donation, my friend."

Two people are sitting across each other with a desk between them...

The one being spoken to is wearing a huge black cloak, covering everything but it's mouth...

The one speaking is wearing some sort of purple cape thing...

They stood up... now they're shaking hands... and now the cloaked one is leaving the room.

The one wearing a cape is looking down at the desk at the black leather Gucci (it might be a little confusing, it's pronounced GOO-chee but spelled like guh-KEY) bag.

The one wearing a cloak is walking toward the door! I have to move and hide.

It's pretty obvious that I am spying on them.

I have no choice, I saw the one in the cloak enter the club, he or she just showed something to the guard outside and he immediately let her or him in!

This must mean that this person is very important. Naturally, an aspiring journalist such as myself would try her best to find out what's going on. So--naturally--I followed him inside, pretending to be Sheikh Hasina Wazed. That stupid guard didn't even notice...

And now here I am, all I know is that this cloaker gave this capeman something... could it be a gun? Could they be planning to assassinate someone?

But there was a more important thing... what should I do? Should I stay here and see what capeman does? Or should I follow cloaker out?... hang on... I've got a coin... let's say.... heads I stay, tails I follow cloaker...



Whoops! The coin fell! Uh-oh! Capeman has noticed! I better get outta here!

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Hi, it's me again... it must've been fate that made me drop that coin because now, I'm back into the main club and guess what! Capeman is a magician! That's why he was wearing a cape... I didn't want to look like a fish out of water so I took a seat in the front row...

Now the Magician is whispering something to his sort-of assistant... she's smiling and now going backstage...

Oh. The show's about to begin...

"Ladies and gentlemen!" announced the Magician. "It is my great pleasure to present... myself!"
A light sound of laughter and a smattering of applause.
"Haha... now seriously... I will not say my name... I will be referred to as 'The Magician'. My first trick involves..."
The Magician performed several tricks... each more dangerous than the previous one until finally...
"Now, I think it's time for a volunteer trick. Who would like to volunteer?"
A couple of people yelled, "Me! Pick me!". The Magician scanned the crowd with his eyes.

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Holy crap. He's looking right at me. Everybody is... I think it means I'm the volunteer... but..

The Magician's assistant took my hand and pulled me off of my chair (jokingly). This is odd... this is the only time she showed up in the whole show...

She helped me into a box, but while she was busying herself with the opening of the box, she whispered, ever so quietly, into my ear...
"When I hand the magician the sword, press the red button near your wrist... it takes you down under the stage. Then when you hear the signal, press the green button near your wrist and it'll take you back up... just relax and keep it to yourself..."
So it's just a fake... hmph... you can't get geniune magicians these days...
As I lay down on the purple box, I searched for the colored buttons. There they were. The red and the green. I readied my finger on the red button...
I heard:
"And now... my lovely assistant will hand me this genuine, steel sword... and I will run this right through the body of our volunteer."
The crowd gasped and "wuhooo"-ed. Then there was a mumble... a confused "huh?" from the crowd... and I pressed the red button. I could definitely feel myself going down... I relaxed and waited for the gasps and the "ooohs"...

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Taken from the eye-witness report of one of the audience members, Dr. Paolo Urquico, Ph.D.

I was watching on the third row, fifth seat from the left, when it happened.
The Magician was going to chuck the sword through the box when...
When the assistant interrupted. She said she wanted to be the one to do it, to prove that it was not fake.
So the assistant did it. She put, five, six or seven swords in. Then the magician swung the box around... then unlocked it and brought horror upon the entire room.
The mangled body of the volunteer was terribly distorted... blood was pouring out everywhere... everybody was screaming... the crowd was going wild, rushing out of the club... I just stood there, watching... petrified.
The authorities arrived and had an investigation.
Apparantly, the volunteer snuck in under a false name.
"A false name??? What, did she say she was Sheikh Hasina Wazed, the Prime Minister of Bangladesh? Pffff, get real!" scoffed the detective.
When the guard replied yes, they suspended him, took away his license and they turned to interrogate the magician and his assistant.
Then they made me go out and I never heard anything again...

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I do not know where the following was taken from

The first strike was the most painful of all. It was unexpected and it stung, but amazingly, it didn't kill her.

Then the second one came. It was just as painful... now she could feel her hot, wet and sticky blood gushing out of her punctured arm.

The third, fourth and fifth ones weren't so much painful, because she was in so much pain already that more pain was just like nothing.

But what was weird was that she wasn't dead. She was in excruciating pain... but she wasn't dead. Oh, and one more thing, she was paralyzed. But she could still see.

She saw when the box was opened.
She saw the people's expressions when they thought she was dead.
She saw the one man in the crowd staying behind while the others rushed out.
She saw the police rush in.
She saw the wink.

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"That was pretty clever of you." complimented the cloaker. "I would never have expected it from you."
"Thank you."
The cloaker and the assistant were in a room, sipping coffee.
"It was pretty lucky that you found her sneaking around, though." the cloaker pointed at the magician. "Even I didn't know she was listening in on our... top-secrets... yes... telling her the wrong button was certainly one of the most brilliant ideas I've heard since last Tuesday..."
"Gratitude."
"... and I see Dr.Paolo was able to slip you the necessary morphine..."
"Yes, and it was I who transformed them into a powdery substance." declared the magician, hoping to impress the cloaker just as the assistant did.
"Indeed... and no doubt you rubbed it on the swords so that she wouldn't feel pain?"
"Er..." the Magician glanced nervously at his assistant. "That was the original plan but... somehow it was changed into merely keeping her alive but in super duper painful pain..."
"Oh well, you're bound to screw up one thing, no? Well then... if you would do the honors..." the cloaker looked at the assistant and nodded.
The Magician had a sour look on his face, as though he was jealous of all the praise the assistant was getting.

The assistant walked over to the paralyzed, bleeding body of the journalist. She saw pleading eyes begging for mercy. Unable to recognize mercy, the assistant shut the box, covered it with a blanket-ish thing and said, full of her lusty inner-childishnessicity, the magic words:

"Abracada-my size 32C-bra."

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And the sneaking journalist disappeared from the face of the Earth forever. Never to be seen or heard from, unless it is of parents retelling the story to their children...
Because the moral of the story is...

Don't listen to other people's business unless it concerns somebody killing somebody else. And in the random case that this does happen to you, I suggest you hide in a hole somewhere in the middle of a deserted desert or else just die, really, it's nobody's loss anway...

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I just realized that these past few episodes have not been in the least bit Weird... humph... I'll try to do weirder next time... I'm just into the whole... murder mystery thing, y'know?


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Three Hours Later

"Good thing your assistant disposed of that sneak quickly."
Dr.Paolo and the Magician, who by the way works part-time as a Professor of Education, were sitting in a coffee house. The former sipping a delectable Iced soy caramel machiatto with extra caramel drizzle while the latter drank just plain black coffee (yeurrgh).
"Yes... she always gets it right, doesn't she..." he grumbled. "Anyways, imagine how angry Ash would be if she DID find out."
"Yeah... she would've been really pissed" *emphasis on the pissed.
"Yeah... if only that stupid journalist took the time to go in the room and look what was inside that Gucci bag..."


Disclaimer : I do not own Gucci, in fact, I don't even have on of their bags, but I think either my mom or my sister does... anyway. There aren't much famous stuff in this blog so... oh yeah, I don't own starbucks... and I'm glad because with the recession and all, and laying off of 1,000 jobs, can you believe that? 1,000 people losing the chance to serve coffee... tsk tsk tsk

COMMENT!

THIS IS NOT AN EPISODE

This is to promote the blog of one of my Weird Bunch, Paolo U.

His blog is sort-of a spin-off of the MAWB but it only consists (so far) of HAPI, or Harvey-Ashley-Paolo-Imma.

This has no relation whatsoever to the MAWB.

MAWB is copyrighted so if anything is similar, I will sue my own best friend.

Haha, kidding!

Anyway just read it.

You can find it at the following address:

www.urquicopaolo.blogspot.com

Note: Not for those prone to nosebleeding. Unlike the brilliant, great, amazing, awesome and humble me.

P.S. PLEASE COMMENT! Sheesh, it's like nobody READS this thing anymore... or maybe they don't... well at least I know one person who does... and he's right there behind you.

Addicted to Cheesecake

Note from the Author : Please comment! I'm like, so bored I keep going to my page just to see that there are no comments...

Another Note: This is still one of those... creepy murdering stories.

And another note: That stupid many spacing thingy appeared again! Just bear with it..

* - New Character

^ - Extra

Cast:

Dr. Paolo Urquico, Ph.D - Murdering Surgeon

Dr. Harvey Kim, Ph.D - Addicted Professor

Imma - Psycho ProStriHooker turned Psycho Nurse Receptionist thing

Annika*^ - Smoking Ambulance Driver

Ashley - Escaped Convict Mastermind Bartender turned Random Weird Unemployed Passerby

The Construction Worker (a.k.a Worker) - a Construction Worker
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Addicted to Cheesecake

(just in case you didn't see, the stupid image thing here makes it so small...)

The Construction Worker was on his break, chatting with the other guys. They were taking a break from building a new 5 storey salon located beside La Pieta Memorial Park. They were just discussing about the building that used to be here before they demolished it. Apparantly it was called "Oh no you di-en't!" bar. Too bad, they could've used a drink right now... it was really hooooot...

It was so hot, in fact, that the Worker's vision was actually waving. Like, the hot rays of the sun were so hot that it made everything all wiggly-like. Everything was so wiggly that he didn't see the bulldozer..

A few minutes later, the ambulance had arrived and the paramedic was trying to strap the Worker onto that stretcher-like-bed-like thingy but the Worker's stomach was insanely large.

"I'm gonna have to add my belt to the strap!" said an exasperated paramedic (not Annika, she's just the driver).

After 12 painful and sweaty minutes, they finally got the Worker into the ambulance. The driver stopped at a red stoplight and sighed.

"Ohhhh, gosh... I need a smoke..." she said and took out a pack of cigrettes (she prefers Marlboro) and rolled down the window and called out to her car-neighbor "Hey! Gotta light?"

"Oh d-d-dear!" stuttered Piglet. "S-s-smoking is b-bad for your h-h-h-health!"

"Oh shrivel up and die, stupid pig!" said the ambulance driver and rolled down the other window to his other car-neighbor. "Gotta light?"

"Sure," said the American Dragon, Jake Long. He did some sort of 'blabla of the dragon' thingy and snorted flames on the cigarette.

"Thanks, pal." the driver said and rolled up the windows again. This was a pretty stupid idea, obviously because she was smoking. The smoke just accumulated in the front seats and soon enough, the driver couldn't see a thing. So she went on a blind rampage. She hit a trash can, broke a traffic cone, went underground and chased the subway, went up again and hit an old lady, jumping over the bridge over a river and landing on a cruise ship(on a river...?), crashed into a dinner party in the Multi-function Hall, popped out and landed on the other side, broke a see-saw, a slide and a jungle-gym, broke into the zoo, released a group of monkeys, three snakes and killed about 3 dozen fishes, broke out of the zoo, ran over an old lady and finally reached the hospital's ER.

"Okay, we're here!" she called to the back people. But apparently, they must've jumped out during Annika's rampaging. So now she was left with the responsibility of taking the Worker inside. She hopped off the driver's seat, walked around the vehicle and dragged the stretcher-like bed-like thingy towards the ER entrance.

"Annika! How many times do I have to tell you???" said the Nurse-slash-Receptionist-slash-ex-ProStriHooker, Imma. "NO SMOKING IN THE LOBBY!"

"Yeah whatever... I've got a patient.... needs... like... something... 'S' something..."

"Surgery?"

"Yeah, that's the one!"

"Where are the medics?"

"I dunno... jumped off somewhere on 5th street, I guess..."

"Okay, I'll have to ask the Doctor if he isn't busy..." Imma twirled around in her chair and dialed 687337 even though the doctor was just in the other room. "Hello, Dr.Paolo, Ph.D? Yes... are you busy? We need a surgeon."

"Well... I was playing with my knives and scissors... but I guess I could do one surgery. Who is it?"

"Uhmm... some construction worker working on--" the NurResepExProStriHooker gasped. "The new 5 storey salon!"

"OH NO YOU DI-EN'T!"

"Oh yes a di-id! He's the reason I had to get this stinkin' job in the first place!"

"May I interrupt?" suddenly came a Random Weird person who looked like she could be an ex-bartender. "If you really want to get back at him," she pointed to the unconscious, bleeding Worker, "allow me to speak to Dr.Paolo, Ph.D."

"Go right in, your Highness/your Greatness/ your Majesty (whatever floats your boat)!" praised Imma.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Paolo Urquico, Ph.D in Medical thingymajigger." greeted the Random Weird person.

Dr. Paolo laughed.

"Well if it isn't my old friend... and mastermind. What have you got planned for this one?"

"I think it is time that our other dear friend, Dr. Harvey Kim Ph.D in Education, gets a chance of his own..."

"Brilliant. How so?"

"I have his number. Tell him you are ordering... the Cheesecake... and give him my regards..." dramatically said the Random Weird person and handed him a calling card.

"Ooooh! Goody! It has a coupon..."

[Note: If you would like to see the original, contact me via Y!M or FS.]

So Dr. Paolo dialed the number on the card.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Kim, Ph.D's office, Menchie speaking." answered Dr. Kim's receptionist.

"Good aft, may I please speak to Dr.Kim, Ph.D?"

"May I ask who's calling?"

"His old friend, Dr.Paolo Urquico, Ph.D in Medical thingymajigger."

"Please hold on, he'll be with you in a minute." Paolo heard her put down the phone. "Dr. Kim! Dr.Paolo Urquico, Ph.D is on the line!"

"Thank you, Menchie... hello?"

"Dr.Kim. Greetings from our Dear Leader--mastermind! Not the dictator..."

"Ah, Dr.Paolo..." coughed Dr.Kim. "What can I do for you?"

"Apparently, she thinks it's your time to shine."

"Hold on a sec--" Paolo heard him sniff. "Excellent. I've been waiting for my time... especially since I switched to Rejoice... so.... who is the fortunate victim?"

"You'll be happy to know that it's a construction worker working on that 5 storey salon that destroyed 'Oh no you di-en't!'."

"I will have the utmost pleasure..." said Dr.Kim, voice cold with fury. "Did the mastermind say what she needed?"

"The Cheesecake..."

"Perfect. M-m-m-mu-mu-ah-ah-ah-ha!"

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At Dr.Kim's office, Dr.Kim was searching the very back of his cabinets for a special box. He found it, it was labelled 'Deadliest'. He took out a brown paper bag from the box, sniffed it (literally, not drugaddictively) and smiled. He then went out and told his receptionist, Menchie that he'd be going out to Mommy's Little Bakery.

But he didn't go inside the bakery. He went to the alley behind it and knocked four times. One of his drugmates went out.

"Yeah?"

"I need to bake this Cheesecake."

"Do you have something for me?"

Dr. Kim took out a smaller paper bag and handed it to the man. He sniffed it and nodded.

"I'll have it done in 45 minutes."

Dr. Kim checked his watch. It was ten past three in the afternoon (3:10PM for you dumbasses).

"Fine. As long as it's done by four."

"Yes, sir."

49 minutes later, Dr. Kim finally received his Cheesecake.

"What the hell took so long?"

"Sorry, maaaaan... I got sooooo... like... high..."

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"Delivery for Mr.... construction worker?"

"I'll take it..." said Imma, back at the hospital.

She walked (clak, clak, clak) to the patient's room.

"Look, sir! Someone sent you a cake!" she said to the unconscious Worker. "And he'll be coming any minute to spoon-feed it to you..."

"No neeed for minutes... I'm here." Dr. Kim stood at the door, his eyes hungry.

He opened the box... Imma covered her nose and ran (clakclakclakclak) out the door. Dr.Kim was unperturbed by the smell because he was used to smelling stuff already. The smell was so intense, it even woke up the Worker.

The Workers eyes watered at the smell and tried to breath through his mouth but Dr.Kim immediately covered it with his hand. Thrashing around and struggling, the Worker tried to scream but no sound came out.

"Don't bother..." whispered Dr.Kim. "No one can hear you... and even if they did, they wouldn't care..."

Dr. Kim took out a syringe and filled it up with cheesecake. The Worker struggled. Dr.Kim injected the cheesecake into the bloodflow of the Worker. Within seconds, he ceased his struggling, eyes rolling backwards, jerked uncontrollably for a while then stopped moving completely. The life support thingy beside the bed was just one long beep.

But then he jerked alive again.

"More! More! More!" he screamed.

Dr.Kim injected more.

The Worker stopped moving once more...

Dr. Kim smiled. "Finally... I can--"

"MORE! MORE! NNNNGGGG!"

"How RUDE!" Dr. Kim shoved a handful of cake down the Worker's pharynx. Unfortunately, the epiglottis wasn't working haha so the cheesecake also went down the trachea, or as Americal Idol auditioners pronounce it, the TRAY-shee-UH. The Worker choked, gagged, splurted, shuddered and finally laid to rest...

Dr. Kim smiled. He took out a fork from his coat and took a slice of cheesecake.

"Finally... it's my turn!"

Dr. Paolo, Ph.D came in, looked at the dead body and shook Dr.Kim's hand.

"So what was this 'cheesecake', a new kind of drug?"

"Actually, it's a literal cheesecake."

"What? So how did he die?"

"It's addictive. He wanted so much cheesecake so I shoved it down his throat. Unfortunately the epiglottis failed and he choked to death on cheesecake. So basically, I was doing him a favor. I fed him cheesecake."

"Veeery clever, Dr.Kim! I am surprised though that you didn't use REAL drugs... I never would've expected it from you..."

"Hmmm... yeah..." Dr. Kim nodded. "Here, you can have the cheesecake. Split it with your receptionist with the Stilettos... I have to get back to my students."

"Thanks!" said Paolo and followed Dr.Kim out to his lobby.

As he waved goodbye, he said to Imma. "Look! Cheesecake!"

"Yum!"

So they shoved cheesecake into their mouths... unbeknownst ;) to them, Dr. Kim was watching.

"Thaaat's riiiight.... eat the cheesecake..."

THE END

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Disclaimer: I do not own Piglet, or The American Dragon, Jake Long, Rejoice shampoo, or American Idol.

I do own:

The Misadventures of the Weird Bunch

Addicted to Cheesecake

© Ashley Magz Industries 2009

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Haha, this was the first episode with more than one picture. Oh, and Harvey won't do anything to Paolo and Imma, don't worry... so... who's next on the list?

Paolo

Harvey

Imma

Ashley

I'll try to draw the real comics soon.

Murder at MacArthur Highway

To the reader: the CBSS is over but I still don't have an idea for a main plot so I am going to do this sort of... extra thing while I think of something.

Oh yeah, and starting now there will be actual Titles, not just numbers.

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PG15

(haha, it's weird coz I'M not even 15)
(but really, its gory and bloody and not for kids)

This story welcomes one of our original Weird Bunch, Imma.
She is portrayed as a psycho prostitute/stripper/hooker.

The characters are as follows:
Paolo - Murdering Surgeon
Harvey - Addicted Professor
Imma - Psycho ProStriHook
Ashley - Escaped Convict Mastermind Bartender
The Tutor - a tutor
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© Ashley Magz Industries 2009

Presents

At five minutes to midnight, the Tutor brushed away a tear. She was at La Pieta Memorial Park, mourning the loss of her best friend whom she loved.

She decided she must go home... she's been there since 7PM because she had to tutor students until 6:30PM, then all the traffic just GETTING there, and the amount of time it takes to walk to the gravestone... etc. etc.
At the entrance of the MemPark, she noticed a bar named 'Oh no you di-ent!'. Thinking she needed a drink, she entered tha bar.
T urns out this bar wasn't just a bar, it was also a strip club.
And this particular strip club was where Imma the ProStriHooker... stripped.

Upon entering this bar, the Tutor noticed multiple things:

One, the bartender looked surprisingly like that lady on the WANTED poster near the bathroom.
Two, she recognized that man on the corner, he was Dr.Urquico, the world-famous surgeon. Weirdly, he looked slightly crazy with his wide eyes and nonstop giggling. He seemed to be twirling something in his fingers under the table but the Tutor couldn't see it... He must be drunk... thought the tutor.
Three, she also noticed the man sitting beside her at the bar, he was Dr. Kim, Ph.D in Education. He was the professor of one of her tutorees(?), who said that he was usually sleeping during their class.
And lastly, she noticed the stripper up on the pole stripping and realized she was the student who got kicked out of school for stripping in the cafeteria.

The tutor shrugged off her uncomfortable feelings and turned to the bartender.
"I would like a drink, please."
The bartender just stared at her, popping her gum.
"Uhm... did you not hear me? I said I wanted a DRINK."
Pop. Chew. Pop. Chew.
"Regarding your popping gum! I mean... just give me any drink!"
The bartender prepared her a Long Island Iced Tea and turned away, still popping her gum.
What a weird bartender... thought the tutor. And is that... a MOUSTACHE? Groooss... I better finish up my drink and get out of here...
Yes, the creepy bartender had a moustache. And yes, she also wore glasses so thick that it was impossible for anyone to see through them. But that was because, of course, she was an escaped convict. She escaped from prison merely 4 weeks ago, sentenced to life in prison for breaking and entering into a retirement home.

The tutor sipped her drink and watched as the stripper stripped tirelessly. Dr.Kim, Ph.D beside her was sniffing quite a lot... he must've catch-ED--I mean... caught...a cold... she thought. And Dr.Urquico... weirldy... seemed to be glancing at her every now and then... and the bartender, too! She was starting to feel really uneasy...
There they look again!
They're both planning something!
They're were going to KILL her!
Or worse!
She must get out now...!
But her drink was only half-finished!
She couldn't leave just yet, they might realize that she knows and kill her right then and there!
Her heart was beating fast...
Palms getting sweaty...
Feeling slightly dizzy.... (and no, she's not in love)
"Yo."
Her heart jumped to her throat.
"Yo!"
It was the bartender, she was calling her.
"You di-ent pay for that drink, y'know?"
The tutor sighed. So she wasn't being killed.
She paid for her drink and turned back to watch the stripper.

After a few more sips of her drink, she noticed that they were looking at her again.
She reminded herself that she was just imagining it. But there was something in their looks...
The bartender took a step closer.
Her heart speeded up.
Another step.
2X Speed.
Now the bartender leaned her head towards her.
Oh no, oh no, oh no. She's going to do it!
"Deeeeeewd! You got a major zit on your upper lip!"
"W-what?"
"Gross! You'd better pop it soon. I heard that the guys in the bar don't like zits. And they can kill..."
The tutor jumped and ran to the bathroom.

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Unbeknownst to the tutor, the bartender and the surgeon were having a talk.
"The regular routine?" asked the surgeon.
"Hmmm.. let's add a twist, shall we?" smiled the bartender.
"Of what kind?"
"Tell our dear friend to get the good stuff..."
"The GOOD STUFF? But that might be hard to get..."
"Do not fret. We have lots of time..."
The bartender smiled evilly and walked away.
The surgeon, on the way back to his table, dropped his wallet.
He picked it up and went back to his table.
The bartender called to the stripper:
"We need you to do a 34-78-72-28 please, special request from our guest..."
"Purrrfect..." purred the stripper and started off on her dance routine.(And no, she is not half-cat or whatever...)
At the same time, the professor fell off his stool. Looking slighty demented, he stood up and sat back down.

In this mysterious series of events, you must have realized the plot by now. If not, allow me to say: "Pfff... looozuh" and continue reading.

0:01-0:06
"What the hell was that girl saying?? I have NO zits!" grumbled the tutor.
She opened the door to the hallway leading to the main bar when she was blocked by the stripper.
"How's it goin', daah-ling?" she asked all flirty-like.
0:07-0:17
"Uhm... fine, just fine." the tutor replied. She was determined not to develop a friendly relationship with the stripper because she knew she could never love anyone but her dead friend.
"Have you seen my..." she lifted her leg across so that she was blocking the way like a toll-gate or something... "Fishnet stockings?"
0:18-0:27
"Wow... they're lovely..."
"Yes, you should see my..." the stripped did a pose. "Lingerie."
The tutor looked away, why is this stripper flirting with me? Am I THAT irresistible? she so incorrectly thought.
The stripper stared at her for precisely 13 seconds.
0:41-0:50
The tutor stared back.
0:51-0:59
"Well, I'll see you on the other side," the stripper said and turned to walk away.
"What does that mean?"
"I mean I'll see you on the other side of this wall..." she replied, and under her breath she said ".... or not."

1:00

Stunned by this experience, the tutor walked back to her stool and looked around.
She'd been gone a couple of minutes and yet nothing has changed.
The bartender was still popping her gum, Dr.Kim, Ph.D, beside her was still sniffling, Dr.Urquico was still twirling and giggling and the stripper had resumed her position at the pole.
She turned to take a sip of her Long Island Iced Tea when she noticed something...
...She called for the bartender.
"Why did my drink get mucher?"
"What?"
"Why do I have more now than awhile ago?"
"Oh, I refilled it for you, dude. I know it's your first time so... it's on the house."
"Thank you!" beamed the tutor. Maybe these people weren't so bad after all.

Or Maybe They Were.

The moment her drink touched her tongue, she felt extremely sleepy. The last thing she could remember was her vision swirling and swirling... falling on the floor... the man beside her turning slowly.... the surgeon walking towards her.... the music stopping... and a tight grip on her upper arm.
Then she fell asleep.

She awoke minutes later, in a dark room. She could feel that she was tied up around the ankles. And she could feel herself swinging. She was tied to the ceiling by her ankles. Blood rushing to her head, she could make out 4 figures.
"I cannot believe you were so stupid." said one voice.
"You HONESTLY di-ent see this coming?" drawled Harvey. "You are such a loser, wumman! And I am soooo... wasted...."
"I don't think she did, Harvey. Let's explain to her."
By now the tutor knew who they were, obviously the two people she thought were trying to kill her in the first place, the bartender and Dr.Urquico, and the other two were her seatmate and the stripper.

"Let me begin with the moment you stepped into our bar..." said Ashley.
"You came in, at exactly 12 midnight. You sat directly in front of me, signifying that you are indeed a beginner, and demanded what you called a 'drink'. Assuming you caught on, you ordered any kind of 'drink' so I gave you a Long Island Iced Tea. The moment we saw you, we SO di-ent like you so we planned to kill you."

"Ashley was the brilliant mind in our master plan!" worshipped Imma. "She knows everything! She plans everything! She is the greatest! Wheeeeeee!"

"So I wanted to give you the impression that we were going to kill you. Paolo and I alternately gave you glances until you got nervous. Then I planned an alibi. Making you pay. Obviously, people pay their bills before they leave. You di-en't know that. You paid. It made you feel relaxed again, di-en't it? But then we started looking again... you got scared, again. You panicked when I came closer and felt relieved, once again, when I told you it was a zit."

"Hehehehehe! So you left for the bathroom! You idiot!" screeched the psycho prostrihooker. "You fell RIGHT into our trap laid by the great Ashley!"

"Indeed." continued Ashley. "Unbeknownst to you, we had a discreet meeting. I told Paolo to tell Harvey to get the good stuff-- the good Drugs, I mean. He knows all the best dealers. Paolo faked dropping his wallet, but secretly left a piece of paper with the name of the drug on the floor. Then I sent a message to Imma saying we needed a 34-78-72-28 which OBVIOUSLY dialed "DI-ST-RA-CT" and at the same time, Harvey pretended to fall off his chair because he was so wasted but actually picking up that paper Paolo left. But the problem was that it was hard to get the stuff and takes a minute to prepare. But he was quick. We sent Imma--"

"That's me! Hear me? IT'S ME!"

"--to seduce you because I OBVIOUSLY know you've been visiting your best friend every night for the past 6 months and that you like girls. And it worked. You came back, fell for my trick about refilling your glass, took a sip because you felt you should and here we are."

"Yes..." breathed Paolo, speaking for the first time. "And now it's all up to me... I can't believe the great Ashley gives me the fun of finishing off our victims..."

The tutor saw Harvey bring out a tray of shiny silver things.
"Choose your favorite." he said.
Paolo smiled.
"Of course... the knife."
He picked up the knife and walked slowly to the tutor, whose blood was still filling her face.
"Let's do this..." he raised the knife. "Chicken Style!"

THE END

P.S. If you do not know what Chicken Style is, it is what we did when we dissected a chicken this morning. You restrain it from struggling, expose the throat aaaaand... slit! And we just watched the blood flow right out of the poor chicken's neck. Then we saw its innards and everything... lovely lesson!