"Are you sure this is the right apartment?" asked 1 guy.
"Yes, I am sure." said his companion.
They planted a miniature explosive device into the doorknob and stood back.
"3.. 2...1..."
BANG.
The doorknob (quitely) broke off. And the 2 men entered.
They searched around for a while until they found the computer.
"Here it is..."
One of them pressed a butto6n on the CPU and the disc tray popped out. He put in a CD.
The Windows Installer showed.
'Input serial code' it said.
"Give me the box," ordered the guy who was using the computer. He looked at the back then at the front; there was no serial code.
"Stupid pirated CDs!" he cursed. He was about to double click Internet Explorer when..
"Don't!" shouted his companion. "Remember?"
"Oh yeah..." The guy took out his iPod Touch and touched the Safari button.
"Lucky they have wi-fi." he said as he typed in the Google Search: 'A-Intelligence software serial code' .
Few secs later, he copied and pasted the serial code into the Installer.
"Now all we have to do is wait.." he leaned back on the chair while his friend was stealing food from the refridgerator.
'Installation: 1%'
-----------------------------------------------------------
Lyca sighed.
"I'm done with Kingdom Hearts... what's next?"
She stood up to go back to the drop down menu but on the way, it seemed like she was going in slow motion... or more like... laggy motion.
"What's going on.." she wondered. "Oh! Someone must be using my computer! I'm saved!"
She waited... and waited.. until she gave up and thought..
"Maybe it was just my scheduled scan..."
She sighed again and continued walking back to the drop down menu.
--------------------------------------------------------
'Installation: 4%'
----------------------------------------------------------
Ashley, Paolo, Harvey and Annika were still at ebay thinking.
"Maybe there's something here that we can buy that will lead us to onemanga.com?" suggested Harvey.
"Maybe... but I'm not really in the mood to spend time looking around..." said Ashley.
"Then we have no choice but to split up."
"I know... but we could lose each other. The world wide web IS a really big web..."
"Hey, I have an idea!" said Paolo. "You guys are still on your own computers right? So try doing other computer stuff. Try starting YM."
Ashley looked up to her control buttons.
"Okay, I'll try."
She climed up the words and buttons until she reached the top. She pressed on6 the minimize button. She appeared at the desktop screen. She then jumped all the way down to the system tray and right handed the small YM icon. Just then her Norton Internet Security popped up and warned the user that something was trying to get into the system and notifying the user that Norton Internet Security will take action immediately and bring the foreign object to QUARANTINE.
"Uh-oh."
----------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile..
"What's taking her so long?" wondered Paolo.
"Maybe her internet is slow." said Harvey.
"Okay, you try now."
Harvey did the same thing but since he didn't have any Antivirus software installed (because he knew how to get rid of viruses manually, being a techno-genius), he was able to move around. He signed in to YM and while waiting, he decided he wanted to listen to some music. So he double left-handed iTunes on his desktop.
But nothing happened.
Apparently, they couldn't do anything in computers as a whole, they could only maneuver around stuff related to internet.
He went back to the ebay page.
"I'm already signed in as invisible and I messaged Ashley, I don't think she was able to go online." said Harvey.
"Hmm... that's weird..."
-----------------------------------------------------------
'Installation: 17%'
-----------------------------------------------------------
Ashley was sitting on nothing.
She sighed.
"What's wrong?" asked the Trojan Horse.
"Nothing.. its just... I don't like being stuck with nothing to do."
"Oh, well then... welcome to our lives." said the Worm.
"Yeah, you WERE the one who put as all in here in the first place." said another Trojan Horse.
"Well SO-rry but why do you have to come butting into my computer and making everything slow anyway?"
"It's what we do," said the Worm. "We're like parasites. We need a host to keep us alive!"
"Yeah," nodded the first Trojan Horse. "So we try our best to get into a computer and start living on one of the files there."
Ashley sighed again.
Nobody talked for a while.
"And the only way to get out of here is getting the user to remove you from QUARANTINE, right?" asked Ashley.
"Yep... you got a really good protection for your computer." complimented Trojan Horse #2.
"Thanks. I'm a very important person so.. I need to keep my files safe."
Nobody talked for a while again.
"So what's a human like you... doing in a place like this...?" asked a voice.
Ashley turned around.
Ashley gasped.
"You!"
---------------------------------------------------------
'Installation: 33%'
---------------------------------------------------
"Something must've happened when she went to the desktop." said Paolo.
"Well... I know she's really picky about her Antiviruses... Maybe she got a taste of her own medicine... maybe the antivirus locked her up in her own QUARATINE!" laughed A6nnika, joking.
Harvey and Paolo exchanged looks of shock.
"Oh no!"
"It could be!"
"What?" said Annika. "Cool!"
"Ugh, so now we have to find her, too!" said Paolo.
"Not really. We k6now where she is. Let's just get her after we find Lyca."
"And how do you think we do that?"
-------------------------------------------------------------
'Installation: 50%'
'Please insert Disc 2 to continue installation'
The man put down the turkey sandwich he stole from the fridge and wiped his hands on a towel.
He took the box and put disc 2 in.
"We're halfway there!" he smiled to his part6ner who was watching the flat-scree6n 49" TV.
---------------------------------------------------------
"I did6n't k6now I had you!" said Ashley.
"Oh... but you do." the deadliest virus of all time laughed. The CIH virus, also known as Chernobyl or Spacefiller. It was writter by Taiwanese Chen Ing Hau and spread during the late 90's. When a user attempts to remove the CIH, it will immediately crash the computer.
"5But the virus does6n't affect the 6newer Wi6ndows systems! It o6nly affects the older o6nes." said Ashley.
"True.. true.. but that doesn't mean I can't still come into other computers. Its just that I'm not dangerous anymore. But apparently YOUR antivirus thinks otherwise, because it locked me up in this hole with those freaks," he poi6nted at the 2 horses a6nd the worm.
"Hey!"
"But how come I wasn't alerted?"
"Like I said, I'm not dangerous anymore. So no need to bother you about it."
"What were you doing in my computer anyway?"
"Nothing. I move from computer to computer just travelling the world." the CIH sat down on nothing, too. "Then out of nowhere, I get caught for something I did over 2 decades ago."
"Oh... well sorry.. I'll release you once I get out of here."
"Which brings me back to my original question.. what is a human doing in a computer?"
"Long story... something to do with lightning... I don't know... I just want to get out of here."
"There is another way... besides being manually released, you know."
Ashley narrowed her eyes.
"Tell me how."
-------------------------------------------------
'Installation: 99%'
"Hey how come disc 2 was faster loading than disc 1?" asked the 2nd guy after finishing Gossip season finale on TV.
"Because disc 1 was full of scratches thanks to your dropping it this morning!"
'Installation complete.'
The guy clicked 'Run'.
The computer whizzed.
'Please type address'
On the blank, the guy wrote: 'http://onemanga.com'
There was a loading bar.
'Please select from the drop down menu.'
The guy selected 'Bleach'
Another loading...
'Please select A-Intelligence recepient.'
"Hmm.." thought the guy.
Knowig nothing about Bleach, he just randomy picked a character.
'Halibel'
'Settings' > 'Level' = 'godlike' > Disposition = 'agresiv'
"You spelled aggressive wrong." said the guy's friend while sucking on a juice pack.
"Rrr.."
After all the settings were fixed...
The guy cliked 'A-Intelligenize'
'Are you sure you want your A-Intelligence recepient level 'godlike'?' the computer prompted.
'Yes'
Loading...
A-Intelligenizing succesful. Please insert victim filename.'
The guy laughed evilly then typed: 'lycal.hum'
----------------------------------------------------
Lyca was reading the latest Bleach manga (at that time) Bleach 358 King of the Clouds.
When suddenly everything got laggy.
"One blow from the shark and the ice dragon sinks into the sea." said a voice behind her.
Lyca turned around and gasped.
"Halibel???"
In one fluid motion, Halibel drew out her Tiburon charged at Lyca.
---------------------------------------------------
The guy laughed.
"Next..."
'Kuchiki Byakuya' > Level = 'godlike' > Disposition = 'aggressive' > Target victim = 'ashleym.hum'
"Next..."
'Inoue Orihime' > Level = 'godlike' > Disp. = 'aggressive' > Target victim = 'harveyk.hum'
"Next..."
'Soifon' > Level = 'godlike' > Disp. = 'aggressive' > Target victim = 'paolou.hum'
"Haha.. this should be easy..."
'Keigo Asano' > Level = 'baby' > Disp. = 'dimwit' > Target victim = 'annikam.hum'
"That should do it."
The guy laughed. His friend who was sucking on a juice pack stared at him. Then looked down.
-----------------------------------------------
Lyca was running.
Halibel was chasing.
"Omg omg omg omg omg what am I gonna do??" Lyca panted.
"You're next. I'll make you pay for taking their lives." Halibel said.
"What? Whose lives?" then she realized she was saying lines out of the manga.
Then Halibel did one of those.. Proyectil Azul things. And missed Lyca by like, a millimeter.
"Oh, this is SO not how I imagined my death..."
-----------------------------------------------
Harvey, Paolo and Annika were sitting, thinking.
Then lag... then at once, three figures appeared before their eyes.
"Inoue?" said Harvey. "Soifon? And.. I can't remember who you are.." he said to Keigo.
Keigo cried and buried his face.
"Compare us. Between you and me, which of us shines... as the greater warrior?!" yelled Soifon to Paolo.
"Wh-what?!" said Paolo.
She took out her Suzumebachi and charged.
"Run, Paolo!" Harvey yelled.
Paolo did run.
Harvey turned to Inoue who said:
"If I were the rain... that binds together the Earth and the sky, whom in all eternity will never mingle... would I be able to bind two hearts together as well?"
Harvey was shocked "WHAT?"
Then he said: "Wait a sec... isn't that a line from the show?"
"Koten Zanshun! I reject!" (haha I remember laughing at this with Paolo)
And Tsubaki comes flying out.
Not knowing what else to do, Harvey raised his hand and swatted Tsubaki like an unwanted fly.
Annika was watching. Then she looked at Keigo.
"Aren't you going to do anything to me?" she asked.
Keigo just sat there crying.
Annika sighed.
------------------------------------------------------
'Error: Could not locate filename 'ashleym.hum'. Please check spelling and try again later.'
"What?" the guy choked on his soda.
The guy's friend came over and read. Then as he turned his head, he glanced at Ashley's computer. Norton Internet Security detected a risk. A risk called... 'ashleym.hum'!
The friend gasped.
He did not tell the other guy.
---------------------------------------------------
Ashley, meanwhile, was with the CIH virus at the door of the QUARANTINE.
"You really think breaking it down will work?"she asked.
"No but we still have to try."
So they both kicked hard. Nothing. They kicked harder and harder and even called the other 3 viruses to come help them.
----------------------------------------------
"Jinteki Shakusetsu, Suzumebachi." Soifon said.
Suzumebachi becomes something like a glove thingy with a really sharp point.
"Paolo, be careful! If you get hit by that thing twice you're dead!" Harvey yelled from across the webpage.
"Thanks for the heads up!" Paolo yelled back. "P.S. why do you get the easy one?!"
"How should I know?" Harvey yelled back.
Orihime sent another Koten Zanshun thingy and Harvey grabbed the button 'Place bid' and wacked Tsubaki for a home run.
Orihime followed Tsubaki with her eyes.
While she was distracted, Harvey ran at her, knocked her down and took off her hairclips.
"Aha! There!"
He threw it to Annika, who put it on her own hair.
"Ooohh these are nice!"
---------------------------------------------
The friend of the guy (I guess we can say he's a good guy now) quietly sneaked into Ashley's computer and clicked on the Norton Antivirus icon.
He clicked 'Quarantine' and saw 'ashleym.hum' was there. He released her.
-------------------------------------------
Just as they were about to kick the door once more, Ashley popped and disappeared.
"Hey, where'd she go?" asked Trojan Horse #2.
CIH virus looked up. "She was released..." he said.
"Ohhh.. good for her!" said the Worm.
Ashley looked around.
"Hey I'm back in the desktop!" she said.
She signed in to YM (not invisible).
Then she went back to the ebay page and saw Harvey and Paolo fighting what looked like..
"Soifon?" she said. "Soifon from BLEACH?"
"Ashley! You're back!" Harvey yelled. "Little help please!"
-----------------------------------------------
While the bad guy was in the bathroom, the good guy went over to Lyca's computer and changed the settings of Kuchiki Byakuya.
'Kuchiki Byakuya' > Level = '1' > Disp. = 'helpful' > Target victim = 'ashleym.hum'
-----------------------------------------------
While Harvey, Ashley and Paolo were battling Soifon...
"Byakuya!" yelled Annika.
"Where?!" Ashley stopped fighting and looked around.
Right there, standing over there, was Byaaaaakuyaaaaa. The coolest, bestest, hottest captain evah!
"Do you enjoy trampling on my pride?" he asked Ashley in that low slow voice he has.
"Yeeeeeee!!" screeched a lovestruck Ashley.
"Shall I teach you the difference between you and I?..."
"Please do!"
"It’s experience. Like the fable of the monkey and the moon. However close he thinks he is to capturing the moon, it’s still just a reflection on the water. When he tries to capture the moon, all he does is sink like a fool."
"Yeeeeeee!!" screeched Ashley again, I don't think she's fully aware of what he's talking about...
(but of course, I do)
"CAN YOU GET HIM TO HELP US?!" yelled Paolo, struggling under the weight of Soifon who was trying to stab him the second time in the face.
"And hurry!" yelled Harvey as he grabbed the 'Place bid' button again and whacked Soifon on the head.
But Ashley was standing lovestruck too much to care.
Then Annika came in and saved the day!
"Hey, Mr. slow-deep-voice-tough-looking-tall-brother-of-Rukia-but-doesn't-show-love-icy-cold-royal-many-flowered-bankai-type-guy!" she said. "Go and destroy Soifon!"
He looked at Annika. Then looked at Soifon who was rubbing her head because of Harvey's 'Place bid' whack.
Looked back at Annika. Then nodded. Then looked back at Soifon.
"God, you're slow..." muttered Annika.
"Bankai, Scatter Senbonzakura Kageyoshi."
Seconds later...
"Slow but strong, eh?" said Annika.
"Phew," Harvey wiped his face with his hanky that he always brings wherever he goes but is never folded. "Now all we have to do is find Lyca and we can then find a way to get outta here."
"But how are we going to get to onemanga?" asked Annika.
Paolo looked at Byakuya.
"Did you come from onemanga?" he asked.
Byakuya looked at him for a while....
Then nodded.
"So... can we like... get a link or something?" asked Harvey.
Byakuya looked at him for a while...
...
then nodded.
"Great, so how?"
He looked at them for a while...
...
"Hurry up!"
...
then he hugged them all. Not really hugged, more like, held on tight. But Ashley thought it was a hug so she yelled, "yeeee!", then from over excitement, fainted.
Byakuya then did that flash step thingy.
---------------------------------------------
"What the hell is this?" yelled the bad guy. "Did you change the settings?!" he yelled at the good guy.
"Yes, I did. I'm tired of you always making other people's lives so miserable just because yours is!" he said.
The bad guy gasped.
"How DARE you?" he said in a high pitched voice. "That is none of your business!"
"I know about your wife!" threatened the good guy. "I know that she's been seeing the mailman BEHIND your back!"
The bad guy gasped again.
"No you dont!"
"Yes, I DO! And you know what? I'M THE MAILMAN!"
The bad guy gasped.
"OH NO YOU DI-EN'T!"
"Oh yes, I did!"
"You WHORE!"
The good guy (well, I guess now.. not so good guy) gasped.
"Bitch!" he retaliated.
"Slut!"
"Harlot!"
The not so good guy gasped harder.
Then they had a slap-fest on the way out of the condo.
-----------------------------------------------------
When they popped into onemanga.com, the first thing they saw was Lyca running towards them.
"Hey!" she stopped. "You made it!" Then remembering that Halibel was chasing her, she turned around and saw her preparing to do the Proyectil Azul.
Lyca ducked and the proyectil azul hit Ashley on the face and woke her up.
"Huh... oh.." she looked around. "Hi, Lyca. Let's get this bitch out of the way then." (talking about Halibel)
After the wonderful and amazing Byakuya did another bankai and saved them all from Halibel...
"Great! So now that we're back together, how do we get out of this place?"
"I dunno.." said Ashley. "I think I wanna stay here... and finish my life with Byaaaakuyaaaa..."
"Not in this lifetime, bitch." Byakuya said, shocking the whole world, by the way.
Then he said, "Scatter, Senbonzakura." and killed all of the WB.
THE END.
Pffff. yeah right, I never die...
Ashley woke up. She looked at the very expensive clock on top of her door. It was 4:32am.
"Haha, it was just a dream? Too bad..."
She got up and went to the kitchen to get a snack.
On her way out of her room, she saw Annika come out of her own room. Also Lyca.
"Hey, why're you awake?" Ashley asked.
"Had a weird dream." said Lyca.
"Me too! About us getting stuck in the internet, haha." said Annika.
"No way! Me too!"
"Ugh. How cliche!"
"I know!"
So they went to the kitched and ate some chicken pie. Mmmm chicken pie....
Knock knock.
"Who's knocking at 4 in the morning?!" yelled Annika.
"Its us! And if you had the exact same dream as we did, then this blog is TOTALLY cliche!" yelled Paolo.
"Omg, you had that dream, too?" asked Annika.
"Yeah! Isnt that weird..."
-----------------------------------------------
"Mwahahahaha!" laughed Nameless. "It works!"
"Mwahaha!" laughed Minion #1. "But why make them do all that stuff just to test if your memory spray works?"
"Because it's more fun that way." snapped Nameless. "And what are you doing here?! I told you to go pick up my dry cleaning!"
"Yes, ma'am!"
THE END.
Copyright Ashley Magz Industries (not a read industry) 2009
Disclaimer: I do not own... lets see.. Bleach, ebay, onemanga, basta every branded thing I mentioned.
1 comment:
Xd i like the "affair" part
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