The One where we stop trying to bring down Nu Kappa and start doing Weird Things again

Note to the reader: this episode is a little inspired by the movie Legally Blonde hahahaa

At Java Perk..
Paolo and Ashley entered.
"Hey," greeted Harvey. "How's your day?"
"Fine." said Paolo.
"Horrible," said Ashley. "I'm quitting my job."
"What??" said Harvey, Lyca and Annika.
"I'm just so tired of doing the same thing everyday!"
"But its a good thing! You save lives!" said Annika.
"Pff, yeah. But its just boring.."
"So what are you gonna do?" asked Lyca.
"I've figured it all out..." Ashley paused. "Guys... I'm going to Law School!"
[Haha this is the Legally Blonde part]
"What? You're going to take a whole different career path?" said Harvey.
"Exactly! Since I'm rich, I guess I can do anything I want now!"
"Fine, be a lawyer then. I'll get to be the only doctor in the group."
"Okay! I'll take the LSATs and everything! Like Elle in Legally Blonde!"
"Oooooh yeah, you can use your skills and stuff and solve cases and do the cool thing like Elle did with the crazy daughter!" said Harvey.
"Harvey, did you WATCH Legally Blonde???" asked Lyca.
"Yeah, why?"
"Nothing."
"What? Why!"
"Nothing!"
[Nothing, Harvey just seems like the guy who keeps asking 'why']

So after the LSATs, Ashley went back to Java Perk.
Paolo wasnt there yet he was still in the hospital.
"Here's the letter! Here's the letter!"
They ripped open the letter and duh.
Of course I--she--got the highest possible grade (which I don't know).
And she got a grade sooooo high that they accelerated her so she only had to take 3 months of classes.

So after three months, Ashley was an official lawyer. At the same time, Annika was out shopping.
"Hmm.. what can I buy with $58 and Harvey's credit card..." she wondered. She took Harvey's credit card when he wasnt looking.
"Ooooh its a sale at Bloomingdale's!" and she went in.
After paying for everything with Harvey's Muster card haha, she was about to exit the shop when...
"Excuse me, miss!" called the snooty looking piece of white trash called a saleslady, no offense.
"Yes?"
"You have to pay for this $1000 dress, as you evidently spilled coffee all over it." ms. snooty-no-booty said, shoving a gray dress under Annika's nose, filling it with the smell of coffee.
"WHAT?" Annika shrieked. "I'm not even BRINGING coffee!"
"Guards!" yelled the piece of white garbagé (gar-bazsh)

At prison,
"You only get one phone call," said the guard. "So choose wisely."
"Hmmm.. who should I call... if only I knew any good lawyers!"
She put in the quarter and dialed.
"Hello? Burger King? Yes, I'd like to order a mushroom cheese burger, extra fries and medium sized diet soda please. Thanks. Uhm, address is 111 Central Park NYC north apartment 16A. Thank you."

In said address....
knock knock knock.
Lyca stood up.
knock knock knock.
"WAIT!"
She walked.
"Burger King delivery!"
"Really? I didn't order."
"I don't care , ma'am. Just have to give the food."
"Okay wait, I'll get my piggy bank..."
After paying..
Lyca looked at the food.
"Hmmm..." she said "Mushroom Cheese... extra fries... DIET SODA!?"
She gasped.
"Annika's in PRISON?!?!?"

Vbzzzz. Vbzzzzz.
"Ugh." whispered Ashley. "My phone's vibrating.."
"Well you cant answer that," said her assistant. "The judge will fine you for taking out your phone!"
"I know! I know..."
They were currently in the... I forgot what you call it... court room? Yeah, Ashley was defending a man who was supposedly the man who robbed a jewelry store. The man who said he witnessed the defendant rob the store was actually being questioned at the moment.
"Mr. Gilt, are you catholic?" asked Ashley.
"Yes." he answered.
"Are you religious?"
"Yes. Very much."
"Where do you attend mass?"
"Uhm.. at the church beside the ice cream parlor."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Why did you say 'uhm'?"
"Because I was trying to remember."
"Mr. Gilt, are you Roman Catholic?"
"I think I just said that. Yes, yes I am!"
"So why are you going to a Greek Orthodox church?" said Ashley.
"W-what?"
"Why would you lie about your church, Mr. Gilt? Maybe its because you cannot prove that you were indeed at church on the day of the robbery!"
"So what if I wasn't? You cant say that I was the robber based on that!"
"You're right. I can't. But why would you lie?"
"I... I just..."
"And according to your wife and son, you were not at home during the hours of the robbery. Where were you?"
"I was... at a bar, okay? Watching the game! My wife keeps watching this stupid cooking show and I never get to watch!"
"Oh. And by game you mean... what kind of game? Basketball? Baseball?"
"Yeah. Baseball."
"Oh. You like Baseball, Mr. Gilt?"
"Yeah.. since I was a kid."
"Who would you say is your favorite player?"
"Michael Jordan...?"
"Your honor, I don't believe Mr. Gilt was in a bar, watching a BASEBALL game that day."
"I dont either." said Judge Gum.
"And your honor, my phone's been vibrating the fast 9 minutes, can I leave now?"
"Yes you may."

Outside..
"What? You've been calling for 9 minutes!"
"It's Annika, shes in jail!" said Lyca.
"What?? Awww what did she do this time?"

In prison...
"Hey, you finally got here." said Harvey.
Ashley, Lyca and Harvey were already in prison, talking to Annika through that cool telephone-like thingy when Paolo came.
"What did she do to get herself into prison?" asked Paolo.
Annika heard and she said
"That skinny good-for-nothing bitch at the store!" she yelled. "She totally SET--ME--UP!!!"
"Okay, relax.. we'll just bail you out, don't worry!" said Ashley. "I'm freaking rich!"
"Fine.. but its still SO humiliating! Bloomingdales will never let me in their store anymore! Nor will any other shop!"
"Wow..." said Harvey.
"Yeah... she said 'nor'.." said Lyca.

After Ashley paid the bail,
"Urrrrgh! I SO wanna get back at that skank!" said Annika.
"Okay, let's do it!" said Harvey. "Its been a long time since we've done anything anyway."
"Okay!"
"What's the WORST thing that could EVER happen to a girl..." wondered Lyca.
"Get locked up in prison." said Paolo.
"Hey!" Annika glared.
"Sorry.. uhm.."
"It must be TOTAL.. HUMILIATION!" mwahahaha-ed Annika. "Something so horrible that she would just melt with shame!"
"Hmm.. this could take a while..."

So their plan began!
-----------------------------------------------------------------

They split up into 2 groups, Annika with Lyca and Ashley with Paolo and Harvey.
Ashley and Paolo were going to take Harvey to an Armani store where they would pick out a suit for him to wear. Then they gave him a makeover so he would look likeable and gave him a fake identity.
"Your name now... is Harry Kinky." said Ashley.
"WHAT? C'mon! Give me a better name!"
"Why? This totally fits you!"said Paolo.
"Tsss I don't think she would want to go out with a guy whose last name is... 'Kinky'."
"Fine.. your name is... Harry Kerplunk."
"Cmon!"
"Alright! You choose your name!"
"Hmm.. I want my first name to be... Lucas."
"And your last?"
"I cant think of anything cool..."
"Uhm.. it should start with a letter V."
"Why?"
"So LV. Like Luis Vuitton haha."
"Tssss she wont care."
"Oh believe me, she will."
"So.. Lucas... V! Thats it! To be mysterious, my name will be Lucas V. Then she'll ask what it is then I'll tell her she'll have to wait till I get to know her better!"
"That brilliant! Okay lets go!"

So Harvey went to Bloomingdales looking all suave and everythang..
He entered and looked around for the skinny white bitch.
He walked over and engulfed her in his overly perfumed aura.
"Hello," he said trying to act all seductive and macho. "How are you DOING?" [Super emphasis on the 'doing'. His eyes actually get bigger when he says it. =))]

That scared the skinny bitch and she walked, no, RAN away.
Ugh.. Harvey! thought Ashley Its: How YOU doin'! You're scaring her!
Harvey shook his head and walked back to her, once more making her choke on his over-perfumed aura.
"Sorry about that..." he said. "How YOU doin'?"
Still coughing from the perfume, she replied, "Not really okay,--cough--cough-- you smell too much!"
"Oh, sorry.. I guess I was just trying too hard to get your attention..." Harvey said, flashing his unfortunate smile on her.
"Oh, good Lord!" she said before she could stop herself.
By unfortunate, I mean: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
"What is it?" asked Harvey.
"No..nothing.." and once more she ran away.
HARVEY! scream-thought Ashley I told you not to smile open-mouthed!
Harvey shook his head and tried once more.

"Uh.. yeah, didn't... have time to go to the dentist.." he apologized to the skank. "Uh.. do you like... do you like dates?"
The bitch raised her eyebrows.
"Dates?" she asked. "Hmm.. not really. They make me constipated."
"What? Oh... really?" said Harvey, confused."
"Yes, I'd much prefer prunes." she said and walked away this time.
Harvey stood there still confused.
She means dates the fruit thingy... sigh... we have to use plan B thought-communicated Ashley.

Enter Paolo, a normal smelling, okay-teeth and with a knowledge of the difference between dates and romantic dates guy.
"He'll show you how its done." said Ashley.
"He'll show you how its done.." imitated Harvey with that childish nyenyenye kind of language."
Paolo walked up to the girl and straightly said,
"You and me. Dinner tonight, pick you up at eight. Here's my number." Paolo said.
He was almost at the door when he turned around and said, "The name's Lucas, by the way. Got it memorized?" and walked out looking so cool.
"--HE STOLE MY NAME!"

So at Paolo and bitch's date that night, they first went to one of those restaurants that take soooo long to cook the food.
"So... Lucas.."giggled the slimy bitch. "Whats your last name?"
"V." he replied, unconcerned.
"Where do you come from?"
"I was born in London, moved to France when I was 5. Stayed there til I was 9. We moved to Italy. Left when I was 14. Stayed here. Graduated at Yale. Moved back to Paris after... to write. Came back here a few months ago and sold 2 million copies of my book." he replied lazily.
"Ohhh wooow.. you live such an amazing life!"
Paolo/Lucas merely grunted.
"So... what does V stand for?"
"I'll tell you when I know you better."
"Ohhh! So there'll be a second date?"
"Second.. third... I don't care..."

While the horny bitch was still trying to get Lucas/Paolo's attention, Annika and Lyca, disguised as a husband and wife, went to Bloomingdales.
"I'm sorry, we're closed." said one salesman.
"Oh, we have a complaint. You'd better hear this." said Lyca, the wife.
"Yes, ma'am."
Inside...
"What is your complaint ma'am?"
"Do you have a staff member here who is skinny and has black hair up to her chin?" demanded Annika, the husband.
"Why yes, it's Melissa Sleutbawl." said the salesman.
"Well, she slept with my husband, and never called him back!" said Lyca.
"W-what??"
"That's right! I had the most amazing night with her, she promised to call me back and its been 2 weeks!" said Annika.
"But... how is this related to--?"
"I am a member of the VIP club of Bloomingdales!" interrupted Annika. [of course no such thing exists] "And if I remember correctly, staff are NOT allowed to sleep with members!"
"Thats right.."
"So fire her! Fire her tomorrow at precisely 3 PM!"
"It will be taken care of, sir."
"Good. Now.. goodnight! Me and my wife will be having sex now." Annika said.
"Yes! All night!" said Lyca.

After dinner, Lucas/Paolo and Ms. Sleutbawl took a walk in a park.
"I had such a lovely evening." said the slut as she tried to hold his hand.
Lucas/Paolo kept moving his hand back and forth so that she couldnt hold it.
"Yeah." said Lucas/Paolo.
"I think... we should do this again sometime." she said, still trying to hold his hand.
"Yeah. How about tomorrow for lunch? I'll pick you up at your... work place."
"Ohh! Yes!"
"Okay. You should go home now."
"Okay..." and she put out her lips, waiting for him to kiss her.
"What's wrong with your lips? They're all swollen..." Lucas/Paolo said.
She sucked them in.
"Oh... nothing.."

The next day...
"I'm here." said Paolo/Lucas.
"Oh, hey!" she waved. "'He's my boyfriend." she gossiped to the cashier. "We're going out for lunch!"
"I have a surprise for you," Paolo/Lucas said. "At the end of our date."
"Ohh." she saw a box shaped bump in his pocket and felt excited. He is going to propose!
After lunch, they walked really slow towards bloomingdales. It took them two hours actually.
They arrived there at 5 minutes to 3PM.
The skinny bitchoreslut, wanting to brag about her engagement, told all the staff members to watching when he proposed.
"Melissa..." said Paolo/Lucas.
"Yes, Lucas?"
"I always felt that there was this... bond between us..."
"Me... too..."
"And I want to make it clear..."
"Make... what clear...?"
"That I am going to propose..."
"Yeeeeee!"
"... that we break up right now."
"Yoooooou're FIRED!" yelled her boss.
"I do!" screamed Ms. Sleutbawl. Then she turned really really red. Then she cried and ran out of bloomingdales.

Secretly, the others have been recording it in an HD camera. They quickly uploaded it to YouTube and instantly got 14 million hits. Ms. Melissa Sleutbawl soon became to number 1 most humiliated person in the world.

And Annika was happy.
(: THE END :)

Copyright.
I do not own Legally Blonde.
I do not own Bloomingdales.
I do own The Misadventures of the Weird Bunch.
Copyright. Ashley Magz Industries (not a real industry)